Groom Duties

Wedding Timeline: Groom’s Planning Guide Towards The Final Countdown

Traditional wedding timelines will include advice on when to interview the vendors, select your flowers, and pick a videographer. Screw that. Yes, that junk all has to happen, but if you spent your time stressing over all that, well, you’d be bridezilla.

Instead, we’ve streamlined the wedding planning checklist to focus only on the things that you actually need to care about.

5-10 Years Before the Wedding

  • Have as much meaningless sex as possible.
  • Drink an unhealthy quantity of alcohol.
  • Spend more time with your buddies than family or girlfriends.
  • Care more about fantasy football than a relationship.
  • Have at least one pregnancy scare.

3-5 Years Before the Wedding

  • Have a serious girlfriend.
  • Break up with her in a spectacularly irresponsible, immature fashion.
  • Start to feel like maybe, kinda, don’t-tell-anyone, maybe you should settle down and find the right girl.

1-3 Years Before the Wedding

9 Months – 1 Year Before the Wedding

6-9 Months Before Your Wedding

3-6 Months Before Your Wedding

1-3 Months Before Your Wedding

1 Week – 1 Month Before

A Few Days Before

  • Pick up formal wear.
  • Get your hair cut.
  • Confirm transportation.
  • Check on logistics for your family’s share of out-of-town guests.
  • Keep plenty of cash on you for emergencies.
  • Practice vows.
  • Confirm honeymoon logistics.
  • Start packing for honeymoon.

Day/Night Before

Wedding Day

  • Warm your cold feet.
  • Give rings to best man.
  • Goof off and relax with your buddies. Seriously.
  • Get married. Compared to everything else, the wedding ceremony will be quick and painless.
  • Don’t blow it in the bedroom. Have mind-blowing wedding night sex.


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