I have been engaged for a little while now, and we are doing a long engagement. Just over 2 years ago, however we have begun some of the early planning stages and have decided to ask people to be in our wedding party about a year before the actual date, so i have about 7-8 months to decide on everything. For a while the best man decision came down to 4 people – my 2 brothers and my 2 best friends – but now that situation has pretty much worked itself out and i am deciding between my 2 brothers. My question is one of my two friends has been distancing himself from me, my fiance and our other good friend. At one point in time we were always together and now he has gotten back together with his ex who doesn’t like us and i’ll admit the feeling is mutual. I guess my question is this guy has been one of my best friends since i was 11 years old, and the first person i told that i was thinking about proposing and now i rarely see him and never hear from him?
Would it be completely absurd to not even ask him to be in the wedding? If I do, do I have to invite someone who hates me as his date?
I guess my question is, “Could you take a little longer to get to the point?”
You started off with a whole paragraph about your best man decision and didn’t even ask about that, which others may actually find useful. Having tackled this issue before, let me get that out of the way – you either make them both your Best Men, or set up a round robin system. Done and done.
Now on to what you asked about.
I assume your friend is invited regardless, so he’s either in the wedding or he isn’t. If he isn’t, you may add to that distance you mentioned. If he is, maybe that brings you closer again – who knows? You have to determine what the friendship means to you and who you want standing beside you when you say, “I do.”
Once you make that decision, you just apply your plus one policy to him the same as everyone else. If you and your lady decided nobody gets a date if they aren’t married or engaged, then he’ll deal with it and you’ll be free of the ex. If he’s in the wedding and you’re giving out plus ones to the bridal party, unfortunately he gets one too.
You can pick your friends, but you can’t pick their women. Sucks, I know.