Fiancé What?

How to Talk About the Bachelor Party (Before, During, and After)

While we’re pretty full of ourselves here at The Plunge, we admit that sometimes we have no idea what women want out of the wedding planning process. That’s why we turn to our friends at BRIDES whenever we need an honest, female point of view. Check out this latest insight from the bride’s side.

Ah, the bachelor party. There is perhaps no rite of passage more likely to go wrong if we trust The Hangover (but never the sequels) and the darkest corners of our imaginations. But we should be trusting you if we’re doing this whole getting-married-thing in the first place, right?

If your lady is legitimately concerned that you will cheat, squander away life savings, or commit any sort of misdemeanor/felony that would be a detriment to the “happily” part of your ever after, you’ve got problems we’re not licensed to address at the moment.

Let’s assume you and your fiancé are in a healthy place, and you’re just interested in a quick run-through of how much information you’re expected to divulge about the classified goings-on of your “Farewell Tour” with your crew before, during, and after said festivities. For that, see below!

Before

Do you discuss parameters? Yes. If she’s okay with you heading to the gentlemen’s club, but would prefer the photos stay off any social media platform her Nana regularly stalks, she’s within her rights to ask that. Think of these “parameters,” not as fun-barriers, but a protective fence for your joint reputations and future relationship.

You should also talk to your groomsmen. Brides love to save face regarding their choice in a groom by saying, “I trust him; I just don’t trust his friends.” You are a grown-ass adult and Jackson shouldn’t be able to force your lap into that stripper’s crotch if you don’t want to go there. That being said, maybe mention to your best man that you are really sorry to hear about his divorce, but this party is about what you want to do, not finding him a rebound. If you’d prefer to go golfing or visit a brewery instead of having your friends shell out Andrew Jacksons so someone’s daughter will let you motorboat her, YOU’RE THE GROOM.

Dudes talking at a bachelor party.

During

Every couple’s communication habits are different, so figure out what this day/weekend is going to look like for you two in advance. Maybe that’s a phone call in the morning, or mid-day text check-in, or some Bitmoji sexting in the late-night. The takeaway here is that she shouldn’t feel ignored or insulted, but she should also respect that this is your time to spend with the men who mean the most to you, some of whom you probably haven’t seen in a while. If you sense she’s feeling nervous or neglected, message her something that’s comforting, but doesn’t invite a prolonged distraction from your friends, like, “Hey, babe! I miss you, but I’m having the best time catching up with these guys. I can’t wait to tell you all about it when I see you on Sunday night. Love you!” Then, throw in a sexy Bitmoji just for the hell of it.  

After

Of course, you were a good boy and didn’t make any choices that were too questionable. (I know, I know — they told you it was beer and that’s why you drank it!) But we all know that what happens in Vegas, stays on someone’s phone. She’d much rather find out things from you than an accidental swipe-through of Jackson’s iPhotos when he was trying to show her his new kitchen paint color. Give her the juicy details you’d give any best friend. You should be able to tell your future spouse everything, even if you don’t have to. The caveat here comes into play if you need to safeguard someone else. If Doug confided a few secrets in you after one too many tequila shots, man code says you gotta stay tight-lipped. Dudes before “I Do’s…at least until your wedding day.

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