The Week Ending September 29
And So It Begins
We called it! Last week, we worried that people were going to follow the lead of that Emmy winner who popped the question from the stage, and televised events would now become fair game for proposals. Well, late this week video started circulating of a “Jeopardy!” contestant stopping in the middle of the show to ask his girlfriend for her hand in marriage. “What is…yes!” she replied and the audience went “awww!”
This is the thing. We’re all in favor of people proposing to each other, but it’s kind of selfish to do it at a big TV event. Not only are you denying people the opportunity to opt out of your big moment, you’re also disrupting something they actively tuned in to see.
Besides, sooner or later someone is going to pick a moment that is wildly inappropriate, like a state funeral or a Supreme Court confirmation hearing. Let’s keep the Big Ask private, where it belongs.
Royal Wedding Bill
The Brits are still going bonkers over the upcoming wedding of Princess Eugenie (the daughter of the Fergie who’s not in the Black-Eyed Peas) to Jack Brooksbank (whose name you probably don’t remember we told you two weeks ago). Unfortunately it’s not “I can’t wait for the big day” expectation as much as “I have to pay for this shit?” anger. It’s going to cost British taxpayers 2 million pounds in security costs, and a lot of people are not having it. There’s even a petition to force the couple’s families to pay–not that outrageous when you consider the level of wealth involved in this particular wedding party.
The Week Ending September 22, 2018
We always look forward to awards ceremonies, then always want to turn the channel the moment that the award-winners start making speeches. Monday night’s Emmy broadcast was no exception, but the only reason we’re even mention it was that one winner decided to use his speech to propose to his girlfriend.
This was neither youthful impetuousness nor a star’s calculated bid for publicity: the guy in question— Glenn Weiss, who had just won for Directing last year’s Oscars (yes, one awards show awarded a guy for directing another awards show)— is in his late fifties, and his fiance, Jan Svendsen, is clearly an age-appropriate match.
We at the Plunge are generally not in favor of the big public proposal, and this surely is one of the bigger ones we’ve ever seen. Still, you’ve got to feel good for the happy couple (she clearly was not expecting it). Here’s hoping this doesn’t become a trend, though: these shows are already far too long.
Perhaps the best thing about this moment was the reaction of all the celebrities present, many of whom expressed actual, unrehearsed emotion (if you can believe it). Benedict Cumberbatch clapped and smiled, Claire Foy cried, and Aidy Bryant from SNL looked delighted. But best of all was Leslie Jones, who stood up with a look of complete disbelief and then–as shown on her Instagram–whooping it up like a church lady on Sunday morning.
The Week Ending September 15, 2018
Bride Drama Has Us Feeling Happy/Sad
We’ve said it before: if you plan a destination wedding, expect a small guest list. Smaller is less expensive–which most people regard as a good thing–and it also means you can spend more quality time with each guest.
Here’s a another tip: unless you live in Asia, don’t plan a destination wedding in Thailand. And even if you do live in Asia, don’t plan a destination in Thailand for 150 guests. Two lessons obviously not learned by this week’s winner of the bridal loose cannon award, who posted an outraged Facebook rant when only 7 people said yes to paying $3,000 to attend her big day.
We have lots of mixed emotions when we read a story like this. On the one hand, we love feeling superior when shown evidence of other people’s selfishness and oblivious entitlement.
On the other hand, this woman may have just burned 150 personal and family bridges, which is kind of sad when you think about it.
On the other, other hand, all that bridge burning is hilarious, if you think about it.
On the other, other, other hand, the whole thing may be a prank, foisted on us by some Internet troll, which makes us sad again.
In the same way that it’s gobbling up every corner of popular culture, Disney continues to take over the wedding space. First there was that Toy Story-themed wedding a few weeks ago, and now a Beauty and the Beast-themed wedding photo shoot that will no doubt be duplicated in real ceremonies through next spring.
Of course, this is hardly a surprise: Disney properties host around 5,000 weddings a year, so there’s obviously a demand for incorporating elements of the Magic Kingdom into the modern wedding ritual. We’re just waiting for some weddings inspired by the Marvel movies. Oh, wait, those are already old news.
The Royal Wedding (Fall Edition)
Finally, we’d be remiss if we didn’t mention the royal wedding. No, not Meghan Markle and Prince Harry, but Princess Eugenie (of the outrageous hats) and Jack Brooksbank (whose name you will probably forget before you finish reading this sentence).
A month ago, the wedding was causing a scandal when it was revealed British taxpayers would have to pony up about ￡2 million for security. While no doubt plenty of Brits are still pissed off by this fact, coverage has reverted to breathless reporting of every detail–such as the fact that they hired Elton John’s personal florist (of course Elton John has his own florist) and the rumor that they’re using David and Victoria Beckham’s wedding planner, Peregrine Armstrong-Jones (a name so absurdly British we couldn’t have come up with it in a million years).
The Week Ending September 8, 2018
No News Is Good News?
The political headlines this week were so berserk, wedding news has seemed tame in comparison. There were no bridal meltdowns that went viral, no royal wedding revelations, no shock announcements about one couple splitting up or another getting together. Beyoncé and Jay-Z confirmed that they have renewed their vows–which is nice–but that’s about it.
One Person We Don’t Know Snubs Another Person We Don’t Know
The U.K. press was abuzz this week (well, there was one article, anyway) with the news that Cara De La Hoyde will not be participating in Olivia Buckland’s wedding, because Buckland took her off bridesmaid duty. Who are these two former besties now at each other’s throat? We have no idea, except that they both appeared together in season 2 of British reality TV show Love Island. Wait, wasn’t Love Island a spoof TV show from an old episode of 30 Rock? No, that was MILF Island…
Singh Singh Singh
Finally, we want to congratulate the star of our favorite Bollywood music video, Ravneer Singh, for his upcoming marriage to fellow Bollywood star Deepika Padukone. The video, from the 2016 film Bajirao Mastani, has always struck us as exactly how we’d want our bachelor party to go, so we’ll assume Ravneer’s friends are cooking up for him something along the same lines.
The Week Ending September 1, 2018
Brides Behaving Badly
The biggest viral wedding story this past week was the one about the bride who cancelled the marriage because none of her guests would pony up the cash gifts she was demanding. She was asking each attendee to cough up a cool $1,500 for she could live like a Kardashian for a day–a sum she insisted was “not fucking out of the ordinary.” (You can read the irate bride’s angry Facebook post here–all we’ll say is we haven’t hard such liberal use of the “c-word” since the last time we saw a journalist try to interview Liam Gallagher from Oasis.)
As you would expect, everyone started using this story to bring up other examples of brides and grooms acting gracelessly, such as this one (bride angry that the maid of honor got engaged), or this one (bride insisting that pregnant bridesmaid be induced before the Big Day). But our favorite was this one from Brides, which manages to combine crazy, vindictive behavior with tacky, profligate displays of wealth.
Burn, Baby, Burn
Most Dramatic Wedding Photos Award goes to the couple from Boulder whose wedding party trolley bus burst into flames, a moment their photographer was smart enough to document in full.
Crash Of Course
In celebrity news: ‘60s rock star Neil Young secretly got married to ‘80s movie star Daryl Hannah (wait, what?); JK Rowling crashed a wedding in Scotland, Keanu Reeves crashed a couple of weddings in California, and Katherine McPhee crashed a wedding in Canada. We thought the whole point about being famous was avoiding having your photograph taken.
The Week Ending August 25, 2018
Destination: The 90s
While Crazy Rich Asians opened this week and seems to have conquered the box office, we should note that another wedding themed film is quickly hurtling our way, one that is much closer in tone to The Plunge’s take on matrimony. It’s called Destination Wedding, and stars Winona Ryder and Keanu Reeves as two reluctant guests who are thrown together at a destination wedding.
If the trailers are to be believed, they spend most of the movie either complaining about how annoying they find the wedding or about how annoying they find each other. We presume they end up falling in love.
Ryder made news during the press junket by joking that she and Reeves might actually be married, the result of a scene they shot 16 years ago for Francis Ford Coppola’s Dracula adaptation. A nice little bit of nonsense to help promote the film.
A Hundred Horny Guys
This week’s “Did They Deserve It Award?” goes to the hundreds of guys who made a Tinder date with a young woman named Natasha Aponte, only to find themselves the victims of an elaborate prank filmed in New York’s Union Square. At the appointed time, Aponte appeared at the rendezvous point, addressed the large crowd of suitors, and told them they would have to compete in order to win a real date with her. Clever way to find Mr. Right? Or elaborate PR stunt for a documentary about modern dating apps? That’s a rhetorical question: of course it was to promote a film.
The Internet Reacts
In other news, last week’s surprise celebrity wedding appearance was provided by Kelly Clarkson (the Internet largely shrugged), Rihanna wore a blue dress and ducked to avoid catching the bouquet (the Internet thought it was “adorable”), and Kanye wore sandals and socks to a wedding (the Internet exploded into a million pieces).
The Week Ending August 18, 2018
If you’re going to be a wedding crasher, you need to bone up on the rules, something would-be gift-thief Kristina Dardo forgot to do. Rule #82 is quite explicit: “Stay clear of the wedding planner. They may recognize you and start to wonder.” Dardo was caught by wedding planner Ashley Baber at a reception in Georgia this week, trying to make off with $2,300 of wedding gift cash. All-in-all a pretty amateur move, unworthy of the greats, like John Beckworth or Jeremy Grey.
Brits In A Snit
England’s Princess Eugenie won’t be getting married October, but the news that it will cost UK taxpayers 2 million pounds has everyone reacting predictably sniffy. One MP called it “an outrage,” while another told the Mirror “This may be the time to review the role and cost of minor royals.” Minor royals: that’s brutal, in a way only someone with an upper crust accent can be.
The 2 million isn’t going towards any of the usual wedding costs, by the way, just security. Apparently that’s a thing that royals need these days: Prince Harry’s recent wedding included rooftop snipers, an army of undercover cops, and a “drone destroyer” (which sounds awesome.)
More From The Twins
Hey, it’s our friends from last week: the twins who married the other twins! Turns out the happy couples went on their honeymoon (all together, of course) at Disney World, which is like the icing on this whole freaky sundae.
The Week Ending August 11, 2018
A Bird In The Hand
This week’s “They May Have Deserved That Award” goes to a couple in The Netherlands who hired a falcon to deliver the wedding ring during the ceremony.
The wedding took place in a tent on the grounds of popular wedding spot Duurstede Castle. The bird was supposed to fly into the tent at the climactic moment, but instead–as falcons will do–flew off looking for other birds to eat.
When it finally landed 300 meters away, the ring was gone. Maybe they should have tried an owl (then again maybe not).
Double The Taste
Because we (like most of the Internet) can’t get our minds out of the gutter, our collective eyebrows raised when this story of two sets of identical twins marrying each other started making the rounds.
“Twins, Max,” we said to ourselves, “can you image the mathematical possibilities?”
There’s proably nothing lurid going on here, but the added news that they were all moving in together certainly made this sound like the set up of a particularly strange PornHub production. Then we saw this article and realized that maybe the world is a much kinkier place than we realized.
Becca Finds Her Level
The latest season of The Bachelorette closed out this week, with this season’s star Becca choosing Garrett, the man who likes Instagram posts of bigotry and conspiracy theories, over Blake, the great guy and survivor of a school shooting.
Blake chose a super-classy cushion cut diamond for Becca, which she turned down for a lackluster three-stone hodgepodge in yellow gold from Blake.
These are only some of the many reasons that Becca was just the worst, and you should switch the channel back to The Good Place or reruns of Seinfeld.