The MANual: Bachelor Party
When To Call Your Fiancée
Your bachelor party has arrived. Kiss your future wife goodbye at the door, tell her you’ll miss her, then get into the waiting taxi or car and let your friends whisk you away to one last night, weekend or week of singledom. Then break off all contact with her. For the rest of the bachelor party, you should observe a radio silence.
Why? Because that is the whole point of a bachelor party. There are only three instances when you should call her. Follow this simple ABC rule, and you will maximize your enjoyment of your last blowout as a (sort-of) single guy.
A for “All is Well”
When you arrive at your destination, make your first call. Here’s how it’ll go down:
“Hi, I’m here safely!”
She’ll express her relief.
“The trip/flight went well/badly.”
She may have important information for you that can’t wait till you get back. If it’s not good news but isn’t going to force you to cancel your trip right away, take it in good humor and tell her you’ll take care of it when you get back. You want to start your bachelor party on a positive note.
Then you both express how much you love each other, say goodbye, and remind her when you’ll be back.
B for “Baby, There’s A Problem”
The point of a bachelor party isn’t to get drunk: it’s to give your buddies a chance to celebrate your friendships and to let them see you off into holy matrimony in their own way. So put away your phone and dedicate the next few hours or days to your friends.
That said, there are a few situations in which you will need to call your fiancée.
- Someone’s dead.
- Someone’s in the hospital.
- Someone’s in jail, and she’s the only person who can make bail for you.
- Her life is in imminent danger. If you find out an international terrorist is targeting her, or a three-hundred-foot tall nuclear lizard is heading her way, or seismic data indicates her city is about to sink beneath the earth’s crust, you have our permission to pick up your phone and warn her that this is a good a weekend to visit her mother.
These are the only exceptions that should cause you to pick up your phone.
Have a funny story that you know only she could appreciate the same way you do? It’ll still be funny when you tell her in a couple days.
Is there an errand you want her to get done while you’re away? You already detailed all the important things she needed to know when you left.
Miss her so dearly it hurts? Just think of how wonderful it’ll feel when you see her in person again.
C for “Can You Pick Me Up?”
So you’ve had the time of your life and you’re about to see your fiancée for the first time in X number of days or hours. You’re at the airport, you’ve collected your bags, and you’re ready to get on with your life as a soon-to-be-married man. Now’s the time you pick up your phone for the second (hopefully) and final time to call your fiancée during your bachelor party. Why, you ask? To get a ride from the airport.
Yep, that’s the third acceptable time to call her during what’s still technically part of your trip.
Are you getting a ride from one of your groomsmen, or is there an affordable taxi you could take instead? Then do that, and hold off on that phone call. Instead, save that emotional energy for when you see her face to face. It’ll be all the sweeter a reunion for it.
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