- Thank the In-Laws.
- Thank your parents.
- Thank the wedding party.
- Thank your wife.
- Thanks the In-Laws again.
AVOIDING EARLY WIFE STRIFE
- Tell her she looks beautiful.
- Tell her again.
- Don’t drift too far apart.
- Only shove frosting in her face if she’s given you the green light.
NOT PASSING OUT
- Eat before you greet all your guests.
- Drink lots of water.
- In advance, arrange for food to be brought back to your hotel room.
THINGS TO BRING
- Tissues, for your tears
- Cash (for tipping vendors)
- Spare undershirt (in case you’re sweating)
- Vendor contracts
- Well-trained liver
- Directions to reception
- Give a speech thanking the above.
- Make sure the Best Man isn’t sh$tfaced before he gets the mic.
- Talk to every single guest. Literally every single one.
- Stay until at least 11pm.
- Keep up your defenses against the In-Laws.
- Mingle with the shmucks you hate.
- Toss the garter.