I’m engaged. My close friend recently asked me to be a groomsmen for his wedding and I said yes without hesitation. My fiancée (my wife at the time the wedding happens) is upset about me walking down the aisle with someone other than her. How do I smooth things over?
How do you “smooth things over”? First, let’s think about whether your fiancée has a right to be upset.
Behold, the Betrayal Scale. Let’s see where you stand.
The following is listed in ascending order or treachery:
- Sitting on the same bus with another woman you have never met–she in the front, you in the back.
- At the grocery store, interacting with a female cashier to pay for your food.
- Watching a movie that stars a woman who is not your wife.
- Holding the door for another woman.
- On a crowded subway, accidentally brushing against a woman who is not your wife.
- Commenting on a female friend’s status update on Facebook.
- Performing your duty as groomsman by walking the corresponding bridesmaid down the aisle.
- Saying good morning to a female co-worker, who is not your wife.
Unless you’re withholding a key piece of information, like, say, this bridesmaid is your ex-wife, or she gave you the best blowjobs of your life, your woman, at least in this one particular instance, is batshit crazy.
You shouldn’t be trying to “smooth things over.” You should be asking yourself some very hard questions. Why this irrational jealousy? Why the trust issues? Have you done anything in the past that warrants this insecurity? Maybe you have. Dig deep.
Every relationship is built on trust. Every marriage will have its challenges. If she can’t handle this itty-bitty issue, how will she, or you, handle the next 70 years of legitimate trials?
We’re not saying she’s not the one. But this isn’t helping her case. (By the way, take our quiz, Is She the One?) No matter what, you need to have some tough, Big Boy conversations. There’s almost certainly some deeper, more substantive, more understandable issue that lurks beneath her concern. Find out what it is. Address it.