The Plunge Blog

A reader writes:

My fiance have recently decided to elope. We have 3-5 months to plan the getaway. We're thinking Paris, a Greek island, or a Caribbean island.

Any suggestions, thoughts or suggested websites?

Wow. I must be out of it.

I'm about as classically, basic, mainstream "Guy" as you can get. (If you need credentials, I wrote a friggin' book about the rules of being a guy.)

Yet somehow, miraculously, I've made it all these years without some tool sneaking up behind me, tapping me on the shoulder, and demanding that I chug a bottle of warm piss Smirnoff Ice.

Apparently, "Icing" is now how we, men, are supposed to prove our... what, exactly? Competitiveness? Virility? Complete lack of taste?

We'll update our checklists right away.

In addition to mundane tasks like "Don't forget the ring," "Bring the marriage license," and "Don't get drunk in front of the bride's father," apparently we need to add, "Don't get kidnapped."  (As an aside, don't miss our checklists.)

Just moments before his wedding, a groom was scooped up by a gang and kidnapped. Insert the lame old joke, did they do the dude a favor? [Bada bing!]

In a small town in India, as reported by The Times of India:

The main reason that we run this site is to get filthy, filthy rich.

The secondary reason is to help guys.

Since we're still waiting on the former, we'll have to settle for the latter.

But this isn't just to feed our egos. The guy also brings up a few excellent suggestions, mainly, a slideshow at the rehearsal and the merits of an early-morning flight.

Well, okay then. This is an oddball. 

Over in the always-controversial article What Counts as Cheating at a Bachelor Party, the reader "dude" has this to add:

"This is bullshit, have you seen what goes on at a bachelorette party?

"They have sex with the strippers, while the party eggs them. are you telling me thats not cheating?"

As regular readers now know, from time to time, we turn to one of the less-crazy bridal sites, OneWed, for "her perspective."

As an engaged man there's a question you may be hearing a lot from your fiancée, "Is that what you're wearing?" You may wonder why your fondness for holey t-shirts, black socks and acid-wash jeans is suddenly an issue. After all, she met you dressed like a grunge-era reject why is it now a problem?

There are three interconnected reasons, first, now that you're engaged, you and your fiancée are probably going to a lot of different kinds of events, work parties, friends' weddings, family events. Your lack of fashion sense may be showing up in ways it never has before. Second, you and your fiancée are now connected. What she does reflects on you and vice versa. As silly as it sounds, if being fashionable is important to your fiancée, she may need you to step it up a notch to make her look good. Third, the ability to dress appropriately for an occasion is part of being an adult.

People who know me--really know me--know that no matter my faults, no matter my character flaws (and there are many), at least you can say this:  I can be hard to shut up.

We prove this again on a new podcast, Grooms with a View, over at the Wedding Podcast Network.

Editor Jeff Wilser (me) has a sprawling conversation with Robert Allen about bachelor parties, relationship advice, and the pitfalls of being a groom.

Get the podcast here.

A reader writes:

"After the proposal, the sex died down. Why is this, and what can I do to bring it back? FAST!"

If that question had a silver-bullet answer, then we'd shut down this site, collect our billions, and spend 16+ hours a day shattering bedposts.

A female reader writes:

"Hi, so my fiance and I are getting married in 8 months and the big B-PARTY has come up.

"Now I love my FH, but he doesn't always make the best choices. Some would call him the "sheep" because he just follows whatever the others do. Not that he's ever cheated, but he just doesn't understand that he CAN say no when he feels uncomfortable.

"His best man is NOT the best influence (openly admitting to sleeping with "too many women to count" and asking my FH whether he thought this would ruin his chance at ever having a relationship like ours) and I'm a little worried about the bachelor party.

We've been accused of doing nothing but mock, jest, sit on the sidelines, and make fun of everything-wedding.

But that's not always true. It's only true 99% of the time. Every now and then, we do something useful, something constructive.

And that takes us to our Reader Comment of the Day, or what no one calls the "R-COD."

On our Groom's Wedding Planning Timeline: The Final Countdown, D writes:

-Jeff Wilser

Since way back when in Season 1, Jack and Locke have fought this battle: Man of Science vs. Man of Faith.  Open the hatch? Press the button? Return to the island? Detonate the bomb?

So it's only fitting, I suppose, that I'm struggling with my own internal battle: Jack vs. Locke. Science vs. Faith. Head vs. Gut. Did the show make sense? Does any of this junk hang together? Was I misled for the last six years?

As regular readers now know, from time to time, we turn to one of the less-crazy bridal sites, OneWed, for "her perspective."

From OneWed's Marta Segal Block:

A female reader asks us:

"I'm writing in to get the guy perspective on post-wedding breakfasts. My parents want to have one, and my groom hates the idea. He's constantly asking me why we have to have one and whether it's a fake tradition from bridal magazines. In his opinion, post-wedding breakfasts are simply stupid, and we should simply say goodbye to all of our guests at the end of the reception and not have to see them again the morning after our wedding night (I'm guessing because he'd like to be asleep or having sex).

I, on the other hand, kinda want to have the wedding breakfast. We live on the other side of the country from our families, and yet most of our extended family will be flying out to attend our wedding. Add to this the fact that I'm a little prone to tears during major life changes (the night before my college graduation I sobbed for five hours), and I think it's a bad idea to combine getting married with saying goodbye to my family (whom I'm extremely close to, despite being so far away) in the same day. It's a bit much for me. I'm getting weepy just thinking about it, actually. And we're not flying out for our honeymoon until the day after the breakfast, anyways, so it's not like it would make our lives more difficult to just saunter downstairs and eat breakfast.

What's my best course of action here? Ignore his protests because he's not saying "no" exactly? Try to explain why I want to have the breakfast? (I'm not certain that "I'm going to cry alot." really counts as a rationale for him until the point at which I cry alot. ) Compromise and tell him I'm going to it but he doesn't have to (which might annoy his family slightly, who then only gets to say goodbye to me)?

A reader asks us:

"I'm engaged. My close friend recently asked me to be a Groomsman for his wedding, and I said yes without hesitation.

"My fiancée (wife by the time of my friends wedding) is upset at the thought of me walking down the aisle with someone other than her.

"How can I smooth things over?"

A good party without booze is like good sex without a partner: it's inconceivable. It just can't happen.

As we've said 1,385 times before,  wine/beer/liquor is one category where the groom must get involved.

Now more than ever. As the Wall Street Journal points out, increasingly, for better or worse, the world is full of wine snobs. Your wedding's wine shouldn't suck. The Journal goes on to provide a good overview of the process.

From the WSJ: