The Plunge Blog

When I think class, understatement, and taste, I think of the douchebags from The Jersey Shore.  And if I ever needed an extra gentleman to fill out my wedding ceremony, I know I'd invite Pauly D.

Apparently, a wise couple did just that. Or tried to. According to the New York Daily News, Pauly D was offered $50,000 to escort a California-bride down the aisle.

Even weirder? He refused.

Pauly D's representation told RadarOnline, "We rejected the offer, because Pauly is a serious DJ and all the other cast members are doing lots of personal appearances but Pauly D is not necessarily doing the personal appearances because he feels he has a lot to learn as a DJ. He does not want to be doing stuff that is unrelated to DJ-ing."

Did you hear? February 7^th kicks off "National Marriage Week." Outstanding. We can't wait for Human Week, Man Week, College Graduates Week, and People Who Drink Water Week.

So what does this week entail, exactly? Let's consult the experts.

According to the National Marriage Week official website, this blessed timeframe "is a collaborative effort to encourage many diverse groups to strengthen individual marriages, reduce the divorce rate, and build a stronger marriage culture, which in turn helps curtail poverty and benefits children."

Right. To clarify, and to cut down on some of the hate mail: we're not anti-marriage. We're also not anti-human, anti-man, and anti-people-who-drink-water. We are, however, lactose intolerant. And this is heavy on the cheddar.

A reader writes:

"We're planning on providing free margaritas and free sangria the whole night while offering a cash bar as well. 

"The state we live in has really stringent DUI laws and the cops are jerks.  Most of our guests will be from out of town and we want to minimize the drunk driving and trashed guests. 

"Do you still suggest offering an open bar on top of the free mixed drinks?  Should we compromise and offer only signature drinks (the margaritas, the sangrias, a booze, a beer and a mixed drink)?  Or should we suck it up and shell out the cash for the open bar?"

Prior to the Lost premiere, I hadn't been so fired up for a tv or movie event since... The Phantom Menace. And we all know how that turned out.

Well, it's here. You've watched it. (If you haven't, stop reading. Spoilers aplenty.) And whatever you think of the premiere, I'm sure we can all agree on this: there was no Jar-Jar Binks.

So in the spirit of All Lost, All the Time, let's look at some relationship-takeaways.

Are these a stretch? You bet. Then again, for a show that embraced time travel, immortality, Hobbits dating models, an entire episode devoted to the enthralling back-story of a tattoo that is never referenced again, ghosts, pirate ships, visions of the future, smoke monsters, drug-running priests, razor-less women who somehow never have unseemly body hair, and disappearing log-cabins, well, what really counts as a stretch, anyways?

A female reader writes:

"I know this is a guy's kind of website, but I am a chick and I need help. My mother in law is a pain in the ass and every detail of MY wedding has to be HER way...

"I have been nice and tried to accommodate her wishes (to an extent), but my efforts are to no avail. Every idea I have for my wedding is not good enough for her or her son (whom I am marrying), which she has so "bitchfully" made clear.... My wedding day is in 7 weeks!!!!  Help!"

(Follow-up, in separate email):

The first thing to note: the phrase "celebrity wedding planner" makes about as much sense as "celebrity toilet cleaner" or "celebrity dog catcher."

This is a profession that just shouldn't have celebrities. 

That said, this episode only hardens our skepticism of the "wedding planner" role.

According to The New York Daily News, a celebrity wedding planner screwed over a couple, left them high and dry, and is now slapped with a lawsuit.

Reader jorr1104writes in The Forums:

"I just recently learned of complications with groomsmen.  We agreed early on that we'd have three people on both sides-her sister and two friends, and my brother with two friends. 

"No complaints there, three is a very manageable number.  I even found three other guys who could wear their uniforms with me.  The only problem is that now her sister has been causing all kinds of problems, and we don't even know if she's going to show up any more. 

"My fiancée decided to just cut her losses and go with her two friends as bridesmaids and leave it at that.  I'm definitely not disagreeing with her decision, but where does that leave me and my guys?"

We'll admit it. We like to think of ourselves as "experts," or, at the very least, guys who can fake it pretty well.

But when it comes to some subjects, we still know next to nothing.

Like, say, women. Or, more specifically--bridal psychology.

So, from time to time, our friends at OneWed--who have the distinct advantage of being female--will help us pull back the curtain, so to speak. From Marta Segal Block of OneWed.com: 

Reader Dunndolo4life asks in The Forums:

"Long time no speak plunge.

"I have an idea for our wedding that everyone seems to think is the most ridiculous idea ever. (Sucking in air) Here goes......

"Now from my understanding, a wedding is a celebration of two people coming together in holy matrimony, or in simpler terms, two people who love each having a ceremony to celebrate their commitment or something along them lines am I right????

A reader writes:

"My fiancee's mother is very involved with our planning, which at times is not a problem at all.  However, we are almost 50 people over what we had wanted to invite for our wedding. 

"Her mom keeps insisting that we invite her cousins' son (who my bride-to-be has never met), and refuses to back down.  I want to tell her that its OUR wedding and we don't want to invite them, but she is helping us pay for it and keeps throwing that in our face.  How do we handle this?"

A reader writes:

"Am I wrong for being upset? 

"I can honestly say that if the tables were turned, a) I would find a way to get to the wedding; (he's made no attempt what so ever, just simply said "oh well") and b) would throw him a bachelor party regardless of my attendance.

"Any thoughts on any of this? I don't want to " replace" the best man, since we are getting married 1500 miles away; but I'm just looking for some insight as to how someone else would feel/handle this?

Thanks."

Great news! You've probably been thinking, "Okay, maybe I'm finally ready to take the plunge, I can swallow my issues, I can commit, I can put up with wedding planning, I can really get behind all this junk... But.  But!  What if there was some gadget, some device, some electronic wonder that will automate the expression of my emotions?

Done and done! They've finally done it. The greatest minds in the field have collaborated, and in a mission that rivals the Manhattan Project, they have churned out a gizmo that will soon be obligatory for every groom.

Ready? It's the "Galvonic Skin Response Bouquet." What does it do, exactly? From the minds at CNet:

The electrode-equipped Galvanic Skin Response bouquet doesn't give the couple much question about wearing their hearts on their sleeves: a blue LED glows when they're calm but a white one turns on when the nerves or excitement kick in.

This week, a new study by the Pew Research Center heralds the "Rise of Wives," explaining that now, in stark contrast to 1970, wives tend to have better education, better salaries, and better-smelling bodies than their husbands. 

(The third one might be our own scientific observation.)

In short: years ago, in terms of cold-hard-cash, on balance, marriage helped out women more than men. Now that's (sort of) reversed. And a good chunk of that has to do, of course, with structural changes of women in the workplace, education, etc. The report says, "In the past, when relatively few wives worked, marriage enhanced the economic status of women more than that of men. In recent decades, however, the economic gains associated with marriage have been greater for men than for women."

4 quick thoughts:

A reader writes:

"Yes, I'm a woman (gasp!) and you didn't scare me away. Nice try.

"It's like this: Neither my fiance or myself really care about the wedding or wedding planning. We both care about marrying each other and that's it. I know I want some kind of wedding, but planning is like pulling teeth. I don't give a fu#k what kind of flowers are in my bridesmaids' bouquets and 80% of me wishes I could just wear jeans.

"Problem: Both of our families are INSISTENT that we have a "real wedding". His grandmother would most likely have a heart attack if we didn't (his father eloped... twice). I like the woman. She's cool. I don't want her to die. We're going traditional on payment (wedding - my parents, booze and rehearsal dinner - his parents), but yeah, both families are insisting on a "real" wedding, and my parents honestly aren't that thrilled about the marriage to begin with.

A long-time reader, who once asked us about how to handle the In-Laws and the Budget, now writes:

“I've got in-law issues! The issues aren't between me and them, but my fiancée and them.

“My fiancée is one of the middle children. She's got an older sister and two younger sisters. Her older sister is expecting a baby anytime now. And her two younger sisters both have medical issues. Because of all this, the attention naturally focuses on the other girls, and she tends to get ignored by her parents, particularly her mother, a lot.

“It's become quite an issue in my mind. Her relationship with her mother isn't healthy at all. She can't get any help with the wedding planning from her. She can't get the support that a daughter needs from her mother. There just isn't a real mother-daughter relationship there. She vents to me, but I don't know what to do. I do understand that she isn't asking me for a solution. She just wants to vent.