Congratulations. You’ve been chosen as the best man! You get to stand up with the groom, hand him the ring, and good humoredly break his balls with your Best Man speech. Oh, and you get to plan his bachelor party.
What’s that now?
Yes, that is part of the deal. As best man, you are expected to mark the end of the groom’s life as a single guy by organizing a wild bash, a Roman orgy so lurid and off the chain that you will still be talking about 20 years from now.
One problem: neither you nor your buddies have as much “money” as you might like, to pay for “things.” So that rules out an evening of bottle service at the Hyatt Kiev, or a day flying over the Mojave in F-16s.
Don’t worry. There are still plenty of ways to host an unforgettable bachelor party without completely emptying your piggy bank. Here are some creative ways to plan a blow out budget bachelor experience.
If you love NASCAR, your ideal bachelor party might involve you and your buds chasing the groom around the Talladega Speedway in your own Porsche “cup cars.”
But there’s that budget issue again (as well as the possibility of the groom dying in a fiery crash), so maybe you better aim for something similar but different, like Go Kart racing.
It’s been decades since Go Karts were rickety contraptions made out of wooden boards and old lawn mower engines. These days, Go Karts are sleek, aerodynamic machines with metal frames, gas pedals and lots of padding. Head over to an establishment like this one in New Jersey, and you can not only safely live out your Formula 1 fantasies, but also play video games, drink beer and generally act like a 15 year old all over again.
The Most Dangerous Game
Does your circle of friends like to hunt? Do you dream of loading up on booze, guns, ammo and camo, and heading off to Colorado to shoot at white tails?
Sorry, bro. Hunting is expensive these days, even the budget options. The licenses alone cost between $400 and $4,000, depending on the animal—not to mention the costs of bullets, transportation, etc.
You know what you don’t need a license to hunt? Your fellow bachelor party guests.
Not with real guns, obviously. (Our lawyers tells us this would technically be considered “murder.”) No, we’re talking about paintball.
Though non-lethal, paintballs deliver a satisfyingly sickening smack when they hit their intended target. Your bachelor party will take on a real “Most Dangerous Game” vibe as your friends’ innate savagery rises to the surface. Best of all, paintball guns are cheaper to fire than actual guns.
This is America–and in America, everyone is free to play baseball. (OK, we realize that some of you might be reading this in places other than the US. If you’re in Canada, just substitute hockey for baseball; if you’re in Europe or South America, soccer. Sorry! “Football.”)
Baseball will take you back to your youth, evoke a spirit of joyful innocence, bound you to your teammates, fill you up with the heady spirit of athletic competition. And, it will make realize you can’t run more than 10 yards without feeling like you’re going to collapse.
Planning could be as simple as going down to the local park and snagging an empty lot, or as complicated as renting a local little league field.
Need equipment? That’s why God invented e-commerce. You can buy new or take your chances with used items on eBay. Either way, you’ll have a nice little collection of bats when you’re done–which will come in handy during the zombie apocalypse and/or when you start a family yourself and the kids want to practice their swing.
A Day At The Fishing Hole
Why not take your bachelor party buddies on an old-fashioned fishing trip? Everyone loves fishing. The fresh air. The relaxed pace. The worms.
Deep sea fishing is fun, but that requires a boat, a guide and all sorts of fancy life jackets. If that just doesn’t fit your budget, go old school and head down to the nearest beach or river with a bucket full of bait, some Ugly Stiks and a case or four of Modelo Especial.
You’ll get just as drunk as you would at a strip club, and the fish won’t be expecting a $20 tucked into their g-strings after every dance.
Fire up your inner Big Lebowski for a trip to the lanes.
Bowling is a time-honored male bonding experience, so your bachelor party will connect you to the monogramed shirt-wearing rituals of your ancestors.
Of course, this is the perfect opportunity for bachelor-themed bowling shirts, if you want to throw in a little cash.
Today, most bowling alleys are full-fledged entertainment centers, so when your guests get bored, they can go relive their childhood with vintage video games, watch actual athletes on the TV in the sports bar, or try hitting on the girls dancing to the DJ on the dance floor set up next to the shoe rental desk.
Wait, What About Strippers?
Why haven’t we included anything about strippers, the bread and butter of the bachelor party industry?
Well, there’s the expense. On the face of it, erotic dancers should offer the maximum return on investment for young bachelors: beautiful women getting naked is the ultimate thrill, right? But the cost of these shapely performers tends to add up.
Most private party dancers start at about $200 an hour, and they’ll expect a tip at the end of the show. You want to go cheaper, you can–but you’re gonna get what you pay for. Can you imagine a less enticing phrase then “Budget stripper?”