Miami hotels like to pack a million tiny rooms into old Art-Deco buildings to maximize profit. Some people are cool with that. They don’t really spend time in the room anyway, right? Actually, wrong. When you have the right room, you party down hard. In fact, many travelers want an entire floor with ocean views, balconies, butlers… the works. Size matters in Miami and the bigger the suite, the better the bachelor party. Shack up in these mind-blowing, bachelor-party friendly hotel suites that take the phrase “living large” to a whole other level.
FaenaThe Faena Suite 3201 Collins Avenue, Miami Beach, FL, United States
Step inside Faena Hotel Miami Beach, and you’ll feel transported to another time. The doormen wear white gloves, old-world frescos adorn the walls and Art-Deco glam feels like it hasn’t changed in a century. Faena, opened two years ago, is Miami’s most glam hotel to date, and it’s oozing money (there’s a Damien Hirst wooly mammoth on display in the back deck, for instance). It’s the type of place that doesn’t care if you come in wearing a suit or board shorts. It’s definitely the fanciest, most baller hotel on the coast. The Faena Suite is one for the books. It’s designed by legendary filmmaker Baz Lurhmann, and it’s a kind of modern take on how you’d expect mob wives to decorate their husband’s homes: red velvet, animal prints, tons of gold accents. It’s huge for South Beach at 3,550 square feet, with 5 bedrooms, multiple bathrooms, a dedicated butler, and insane views. It’ll cost you an easy $20,000 grand a night. If you want to pack the boys in and still buy a cheap Honda with that 20 grand, take over the oceanfront, 3-bedroom suite (2,400 square feet) for $9,000 grand, or the Saxony 2-bedroom suite (2,114 square feet) for $4,000 grand.
SetaiPenthouse 2001 Collins Avenue, Miami Beach, FL, United States
Every year, a crop of new hotels opens in Miami, making last year’s openings seem… well, so last year. But some longstanding hotels are so sick, they’re immune to trends and hype, like Setai. This old-school, five-star hotel is a stomping ground for the rich and famous, athletes and celebrities that prefer back-bending service, awesome design, an upscale ambience and notable amenities (like the hotel’s iconic three, temperature-perfect zen pools and a recording studio). The penthouse here is the most expensive hotel in South Beach, and of the most expensive in the world at $32,000, so you better start cracking open that piggy bank. For this price, you basically have the entire 40th floor (10,000 square feet), which includes four bedrooms, four bathrooms, a terrace, a private pool, jacuzzi and insane 360-degree views. It’s no surprise people like Simon Cowell, Lenny Kravitz and Madonna often book here. If you want to downsize, the bottom-of-the-barrell Ocean Suite is comfy at 900 square feet with all the works (kitchen, jacuzzi tub, Samsung sound bar, balcony, priceless views) at only $1,400 a night.
The Miami Beach EDITIONTop Floor 2901 Collins Avenue, Miami Beach, FL, United States
Theoretically, bachelor parties can book a stay here and never leave. The Miami Beach EDITION has it all. Bowling alley/ice skating rink/dance club. Jean George Matador Room. Subterranean, dude-friendly spa. Outdoor pool scene with ping pong. It’s the perfect party place, but you may not even see any of this if you book the two-story, premiere bungalow ocean view suite at this Ian Schrager designed hotel. It’s visually spectacular (it’s Ian Schrager, guys) with tons of blonde oak and walnut wood, all-glass walls and perfect beds, but the major highlight is the top floor with private rooftop jacuzzi and panoramic views from oversized balconies. It’s about 780 square feet at $2,500 a night. If you splurge for the penthouse bungalow, you’re getting 2,000 square feet of outdoor space alone with wrap-around terraces, private plunge pool and your own private elevator for $8,000 grand a night.
The Confidante Miami BeachArt Deco Penthouse Suite 4041 Collins Avenue, Miami Beach, FL, United States
A hipster hot spot, The Confidante has celebrity chef restaurants, pool parties, a beach club and one of the best rooftop spas in town. It also has some of the best ocean views from its higher floors. The Art Deco penthouse suite on the 14th floor is the type of suite you book if you want to be baller without breaking the bank. It’s about 1,000 square feet, with a master king bedroom and separate living and dining room, though it can be expanded with a deluxe king room with balcony. It’s bright and colorful with an outdoor, astroturf balcony and it makes a great party pad for only $1,500 a night, which is why it sells out fast.
W South BeachE-WOW Penthouse 2201 Collins Avenue, Miami Beach, FL, United States
Of course you want to stay at a W, for the same reason you prefer Whole Foods over Trader Joe’s, Chevron over QT, Marlboros over Kents. You know what you’re in for. A legendary party hotel chain, W Hotels doesn’t hold back over in Miami. W South Beach skews on the international side (you’ll meet Parisians! Germans! Koreans! Argentinians!) and you know the parties are going to be pretty fucking fierce. Take all your new friends up to your E-WOW Penthouse, the only room you need to book here. The 2,600-square-foot suite has 3 bedrooms—so you can jam in your entire bachelor party crew—with killer views of the Atlantic. The real treat here is the rooftop deck with private plunge pool and guy grill, so you can blaze up a BBQ while soaking up that trademark Florida sun. It’s only $4,000 a night, so do the math here. You get your money’s worth.
Fountainebleau Miami BeachLa Baie Presidential 4441 Collins Avenue, Miami Beach, FL, United States
This old-school hotel (opened in 1954) is pretty massive, but it doesn’t feel soulless. In fact, it’s home to one of the hottest clubs in Miami (Liv), one of the best spas in Miami (Lapis) and some of the best dining spots (Hakassan & Scarpetta). This legendary hotel is home to some crazy awesome suites, and they even have five different penthouses. The one you’re going to book is the La Baie Presidential, a two-bedroom spanning 2,400 square feet, and the largest room in the Chateau Tower. With marble floors, a wet bar, huge TVs, it rings in at $3,000 a night. The suite has some pretty good views of the Downtown Miami skyline, but you’re really paying for the space here. If you want to splurge for a view, check into the Sorrento Penthouse. It’s almost 10,000 square feet. With five bedrooms, this two-level hideaway sports crazy views of the sea as well as the hotel’s pools below. The 4,400-square foot balcony has a private pool and Jacuzzi, so start printing out those after-party fliers. The suite starts at $7,500 a night.