Planning a wedding takes a lot of work, and like anything that takes work, the pressure will sometimes get to you. There will be good days where you both agree on what kind of cake you want, and bad days where you both agree on absolutely nothing. The goal here is to have more good days than bad, or at least a decent mix of both. But what happens when every day is a bad day and every fight is a bad fight? There are tons of things you two will disagree with each other about, that’s only natural, but it’s how you resolve the issue that matters.
She wants 200 people at the wedding. You want 50.
The number of guests that you decide to have at your wedding determines how much money you spend on food, the size of the venue, and the bigger it gets, the guiltier you may feel about not including Joe from the office.
If you’re worried about money, then your fiancé is aware of your budget, so don’t assume she’s trying to be extravagant or plan beyond your means. And if it’s not about money, you have some wiggle room to approach this issue with a more open mind.
If she wants a big wedding, it’s because she wants to include a lot of people on a really special day, not because she’s being malicious towards your needs. Now that we’ve established that your fiancé isn’t totally prodigal, the easiest solution to this problem may be a change of heart on your end. What’s harder, asking her to exclude people that mean a lot to her, or asking yourself to include more people on the big day?
Let’s be honest, it usually feels pretty good to be inclusive. There may even be room for Joe, leaving you with a guilt-free guest list of people ready to celebrate you. That doesn’t sound so bad, does it?
She wants ten bridesmaids. You want six groomsmen.
Again, your fiance is being inclusive which is not a bad thing. It speaks highly of her that she has relationships with ten women that mean so much to her. But, it also speaks highly of you that only six men mean so much to you. You have a tight and loyal group of guys that are like family to you.
Just because your fiance wants ten bridesmaids doesn’t mean you have to pick four more guys that don’t mean that much to you just to even it out. It’s your wedding day too, and the guys you have standing up there next to you should mean as much to you as her bridesmaids mean to her.
That being said, there are some people you can ask to bulk up your group. This could be a good opportunity to include your cousin Pete, an old childhood friend, or your fiance’s younger brother. There are ways to fill the gap that can be just as meaningful as choosing your best buds. If she’s unwilling to drop any girls from her list, and you’re unwilling to add that many more, an uneven wedding party is not the end of the world. Your wedding, your rules.
Just remember, don’t ask your prospective bridesmaids and groomsmen until you’ve had this conversation. The only thing worse than adding someone to your wedding party when you don’t want to is asking someone not to be in it anymore.
She wants to spend tons of money on flowers. You don’t.
Don’t tell her that flowers are too expensive. Flowers are too expensive and she wants them anyway, so that argument will get you nowhere. We get it, it’s not that you hate flowers, you just think your money could go farther elsewhere, like on an awesome honeymoon in Aruba.
Here’s what to do in this situation—compromise. There will be flowers at your wedding, but they don’t have to be the most expensive ones. Instead of the mixed-rose-and-peonies arrangement that she suggested, insist on a mixed-rose-and-snapdragon arrangement and watch the cost lower significantly. Carnations are also an inexpensive option that, despite their reputation for being a bad 80’s boutonniere, will lower the cost of an arrangement and look good doing it. Don’t blow the budget on these bad boys if you don’t want to.
You can’t agree on a honeymoon destination.
You want to go to Spain. You always have. Your honeymoon is the perfect opportunity to go. You can see the sites, see the beaches and drink the sangria, just as you’ve always wanted. And better yet, you get to do it with the person you love.
But wait, your fiancé doesn’t want to go. Not at all. This is where you have to really step up your game and sell the idea of Spain. You need to make the beaches and cathedrals you’ve dreamed about as appealing to her as they are to you. Show her pictures of resorts, restaurants, and ancient street corners. Do everything short of making a powerpoint presentation.
Then, if that doesn’t work. Let it go. Let Spain go. The last thing you want is for her to be unhappy on your honeymoon, or resent you for taking her somewhere she wasn’t 100% on board with. Go back to the drawing board. You wanted beaches, there are hundreds of great places to honeymoon with beaches. Ultimately, what’s more important? Fulfilling your lifelong dream to go to Spain or creating newlywed memories in a place that will be special to both to you? And if you have no idea where to start, we have some pretty great ideas right here waiting for you.
Wedding planning will have its ups and downs, but don’t let it make you miserable. There will be disagreements, but it’s how you resolve them that matters.