In a recent survey by the dating site Saucy Dates, 73.5% of women polled said they like “dirty talk.” So there’s a good chance your partner is receptive. But the phrase covers a lot of ground; while some people might enjoy being called filthy names during sex, others might be shocked out of the mood—or even out of the relationship entirely.
So your mission, should you accept it, is to figure out which words or phrases your partner finds hot—either through discussing it beforehand or with careful experimentation until you find the right ones. Then repeat until you get the results you are looking for. But before you start polishing up your most disgusting phrases, you need to ask yourself here are two questions:
Are you comfortable saying dirty things?
Is your partner comfortable hearing them?
There’s no place for hesitation, irony, or ambivalence here. If you’re not 100% sincere, it’s going to come out wrong. Bad sex talk is cheesy, disturbing, and awkward. It breaks the sexual spell, which can kill the mood quicker than a call from your mother-in-law. A 2012 study showed that even small anxieties can affect whether partners can communicate, and that lack of communication has strong effect on sexual satisfaction.
Avoid These Phrases
The only thing more fun than raunchy sex is hearing what other couples say in the heat of the moment. Yes, most dirty talk sounds ridiculous out of context. But some suggestions are especially cringe-worthy. Here are some of our favorites, sourced from Reddit threads, comment sections, and an in-house survey.
“It’s official, I’ve been dickmatized.”
“Suck on my peaches, they’re plump.”
“I like licking your stick.”
“You like the feel of Moby inside you?” (This from a guy who nicknamed his dick after the whale, not the pop star.)
“Can I sweep your chimney, sir?” (in a cockney accent)
“Cripple me, cripple me!”
“It’s… sweet… when you curse… like a Catholic pirate.”
“You’re a scary monster! You’re a scary monster!”
“I want to watch you caress your tulip…”
“Are you feeling it now, Mr Krabs?”
“I believe in you!”