The Best (Well, Only) Honeymoon Sex of Your Life

We admit it. You don’t really need this article. You understand that on your honeymoon, your daily agenda’s first, second, and third item is sex. You get it. With just a smidgeon of advanced planning, however, you can go from “Honeymoon Sex” to “Holy Sh#t Did We Really Just Do That Honeymoon Sex?” The theme is threefold: mix it up, take chances, surprise her.

20 quick ideas:

Rule 1
Limo Sex

Plan this in advance. Without her knowing, arrange for a limo to pick you up at a swank restaurant. When it rolls up, make the corny joke, “Oh, our ride’s here”—you know the old joke—except that this really is your ride. Open the door for her, whisk her inside…and we shouldn’t have to tell you what happens next. They installed that partition for a reason.

Rule 2
Sex on the Beach

Obvious? You’re damn right. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do it. Not having sex on the beach on your honeymoon is like not drinking champagne at your reception.

Rule 3

Your tranquil, idyllic Mediterranean villa might be the very essence of romance…but it might not have a single note of music. So bring your own. Purchase some portable speakers for your iPod and create some mood-appropriate playlists.

Rule 4
Icon Sex

Only for the bold. Wherever you go on your honeymoon, there will be a few touchtone “icons” or landmarks. The Eiffel Tower, the holy statue, the old castle, whatever. This is your mission: go to this icon and desecrate the hell out of it. Not only will it feel naughty and hot, but for the rest of your lives, whenever the two of you look at photographs of that icon, you’ll both smirk and share a knowing smile.

Rule 5
The Unknown

Try a position you’ve never heard of. For some counter-intelligence, look at what the girl-sites are recommending for her and surprise her with a new position. Like the sex positions outlined here.

Rule 6
Water Sex

Self explanatory.

Rule 7
Balcony Sex

Noticing a theme here?

Rule 8

You have all the time in the world. Use it. Push your boundaries by teasing her as long as you possibly can–a marathon foreplay session–and then reap the rewards.

Rule 9
Role Play

Kidding. Don’t do this. If you really want to do this, fine, you can, but remember that you’re already in those most perfect of roles–newlyweds. Embrace it.

Rule 10
Join the Mile-High Club

Think of it this way: if not now, when? This is your time. This is your moment. Make it happen.

Rule 11
Erotic Massages

Actually take this one seriously. Take the opportunity to learn how to give a proper, satisfying, erotic massage. Buy a book like this, read it in advance, and spend a lazy afternoon putting your newfound skills to the test.

Rule 12

Don’t go all George Costanza with chicken salad and tunafish, but you’ll never have a better opportunity to play with honey, strawberries, and chocolate. (And ice cubes. The one thing of value that you can learn from Mickey Rourke.)

Rule 13
Play With Toys

It doesn’t need to get too crazy-freaky; we’re not recommending you start with chains or gags. But you can find some inspiration from the tasteful(ish) honeymoon kits found here.

Rule 14
Bathroom Quickie

The glitzier the restaurant the better. At a five-star bistro, excuse yourselves from the table, head to the bathroom, and enjoy your dessert. Just realize that you’re probably not as discreet as you think you are: leave a fat tip.

Rule 15
Save the Moment

This isn’t for everyone, but consider taking some erotic photographs or videos. Let’s face it: the two of you are never going to look this good again…ever. This is your physical peak. So if you’re feeling ballsy and adventurous and free-spirited, think about using that digital camera for something NSFW.

Rule 16
Give Without Taking

At least once–maybe in the middle of the night, maybe first thing in the morning–surprise her with that and ask for nothing in return. These things pay dividends.

Rule 17
Basic Bondage

Again, no need to mimic a creepy, hardcore snuff film, but some lightweight bondage–tying wrists to bedposts, blindfolds, that kinda thing–will supercharge any evening.

Rule 18
Bring the Kama Sutra

No, literally. Bring the Kama Sutra. There’s a reason why it’s been around for thousands of years. Bring the actual book, read it together, and check off the pages.

Rule 19
Appreciate the Non-sex

Life’s about contrast. As important as the sex is to the honeymoon, it’s also important that it’s not all about the sex. If you plan nothing but sex for a solid week on a deserted beach, no matter how hot your chemistry, no matter how perfect, no matter how orgasmic, …there’s the outside chance that you could get, well, bored. Don’t risk this. Schedule some other tours, snorkeling, kayak trips, or whatever to let your bodies recover.

Rule 20
Don’t Get Her Pregnant

For more on that, click here.

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