Groom Duties

Wedlock’ed and Loaded: Turn Your Shotgun Wedding Into A Blast

So you’ve met the love of your life, the woman you intend to marry. And you’ve knocked her up. The question now is: how do you handle this? You want to get married, but you don’t want your wedding to seem like you’re closing the barn door after the horse has bolted.

Listen baby daddy, it’s the 21st century. There’s no shame in an instant family, so when your bride is strutting down the aisle with a bun in the oven, don’t hide it—celebrate it. Let everyone in the room know that you’re not only going to be a awesome husband, but also a big papa.

After all, besides cake, weddings are really about uniting families, pledging life-long commitment, and spreading a whole lotta love. Nothing symbolizes these things more than having a baby.

So, forget the traditional wedding roadmap and blaze a different path with these quick tips to give your nuptials a little bump.

If You’ve Got It, Flaunt It

When it comes to your fiancé’s wedding dress, support her in choosing whatever makes her feel the most comfortable and confident. Encourage her to emphasize her love bundle, instead of camouflaging it. A healthy belly and a wedding veil is a pretty bad-ass combo.

To Have And To Hold

Write your own vows and include a few lines to address the little one. Your wife should be the primary focus here, but let her and the stowaway know that you’re pledging your never-ending love and support to both of them. Caution: This could induce an uncontrolled outbreak of ugly crying from your guests.  

Do Yourself A Favor

Your reception is the perfect place to sprinkle some baby spice into the festivities. Don’t hesitate to integrate your upcoming delivery into the decor and favors–but, at the same time, don’t overdo it. Remember, this is wedding, not a baby shower. Just a few smart design touches (storks, baby bottles, etc.) will keep things fun without taking away from your wedding experience.

Enjoy Sex Cake In Front Of Your Parent

Sorry…just trying to get your attention. One way to integrate the two happy developments in your life is to combine the wedding cake and the gender-reveal cake. (What the f*&% is a gender reveal cake? It’s a regular cake that’s either pink or blue on the inside, depending on the sex of your as yet unborn baby.) During the cake-cutting ceremony, play up the drama as the crowd awaits the spongy revelation. You should also have traditional wedding cake on hand for most of your guests. Technicolor baked goods freak some people out.

Knocked Up? Rock Out!

The music at your reception is the perfect place to work in some cool nods to your growing family. Add tracks to your playlist that will elicit knowing laughter, mild-confusion, and raised eyebrows: Papa Don’t Preach (Madonna), All That She Wants Is Another Baby (Ace of Bass), Sweet Child O’ Mine (Guns N’ Roses), Two Pink Lines (Eric Church), Mother (Danzig). And if your bride is really far along, you can always dedicate Push It (Salt-N-Pepa) to her.

Stay Off The Sauce

Don’t get swept up in the party tornado swirling around you. You might be offered champagne, beer, shots, and/or a mystery elixir from a mason jar, but since your wife is on the wagon, it’s a good idea for you to join her for the night. At the end of this awesome experience, there should only be one member of your new family in the fetal position.

— Chris Knoll

Bottom Line

Stay tuned into your wife’s needs throughout your shotgun wedding. It’ll will make her feel good, and will be excellent practice for those hours in the delivery room.

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How To Write Traditional Wedding Vows
Groom Duties

How To Write Traditional Wedding Vows

You’re nervous, you’re stressed, and you’re about to get married. It’s time to take a deep breath and just play the hits when it comes to these things. I, blank, take you, blank to—you know the rest, right?