So you’ve picked the perfect ring and you know she’s going to love it. Question, do you tell her how much you spent?
OK, here’s the thing: one way or another, money is going to be an issue in your marriage. Maybe it will be a big issue, maybe it will be a small one – but it’s gonna be there. This is especially true when it comes to the gift that kicks the marriage process into gear: the engagement ring.
We’ve talked about shopping for the ring, and how much you should anticipate spending. But it’s not just the price you have to figure out. You have to figure out how to talk about the cost, or whether to talk about it at all.
On the one hand, the ring is such a potent romantic symbol that you don’t want to cheapen it by bringing up the price. On the other hand, it’s 2016, and women fully expect to be included in financial decisions: “Don’t worry your pretty little head about it” is no longer something any man in his right mind would say. And she’s probably already at least somewhat involved in choosing the ring, even if all she gave you was a hint or two.
So the question remains: should you let her know how much the ring costs?
The Argument for Not Telling Her
- You don’t want her to think that money is a factor in your relationship. Of course, as we said above, money will always be an issue, but maybe she doesn’t want a constant reminder of this truth.
- You want the ring itself to be the focus–a personal symbol that tells the particular story of your relationship. The price isn’t really important – it’s what you create that should be remembered.
- You don’t want her comparing how much you spent to how much her friends’ fiancés spent–unless you’re quite sure you spent a lot more than them. In which case: enjoy.
- You don’t want to ruin the proposal. You’re in the middle of what may be the most supremely romantic moment in both your lives. Don’t bring up the details of how you got a great deal on the diamond, or how they really took you to the cleaners on the setting. This moment is about the love of your life. They’ll be plenty of time for economics later.
The Argument for Telling Her
- She should have a realistic picture of your financial health. Not that the engagement ring is necessarily the best measure of said health. After all, you will probably splurge on this particular purchase, and spend more than you can really afford. But women know this, and will adjust accordingly. Buy her a $500 ring, and she may think you’re either cheap, or poor, or both. Buy her a $200,000 ring and she’ll think you’re rich, or crazy, or both.
- Knowing how much the ring is worth will make her more careful with it. Yes, she will still wear it out to her wild bachelorette party, and post about it on social media (even though those guys who stole Kim Kardashian’s ring may be breaking down the door of your apartment), but she may pay a notch more attention when jumping in the pool or washing dishes above the garbage disposal.
- You want her to have a constant reminder of how much she means to you. Sure, the beauty of the ring will accomplish that, but knowing it cost you an arm and a leg will let her forever know that you dug real deep to knock this out of the park.