The MANual: Bachelor Party
Bring It On Home: The Stripper House Call
If you really want to take a trip to naked girl heaven during your bachelor party, strip clubs are not your only option. You can always hire private strippers to come perform for you and your friends. Though a “stripper house call” feels a bit more edgy than going to a strip club, there are still plenty of rules you have to follow.
Who’s Got The Power?
The power dynamic in a stripper house call feels different from that of a strip club. This time, you’re not going to their place of work: they’re coming to your environment. This may make you feel like a big shot, but don’t let it go to your head. You still don’t have a lot of power here, and you still have to behave yourself.
Where’s The Party?
For a start, you have to be a good host. You need to arrange a place for the party: your home, a friend’s home, or a room you’ve rented for the occasion.
Some questions to ask about the first two options:
- Does it include a room big enough for the performer(s) to safely put on their act?
- Will there be booze and refreshments both for your guests and the performers?
- Will the home provide enough privacy, or will the old lady across the street have a heart attack if she happens to glance out her window?
If you’re renting a suite or a room in hotel or some other establishment, you have to ask all the above questions, plus these:
- Does management allow this kind of thing?
- Are non-hotel guests allowed to go farther than the lobby?
- If you aren’t allowed to have strippers in the rooms, do you go ahead anyway? What kind of liability are you taking on?
How Hot Do You Want It?
Are you looking for some Sriracha-level T&A, or Ghost Pepper sauce grade sex show madness? You’ll want to make sure you don’t invite anyone who is going to be put off by your desired level of lewd.
Are there safety issues? If your performers are going to be spitting fire or doing a sword dance, have plenty of fire extinguishers and first-aid kits on hand.
Is there anything illegal involved? If you’re not sure, check the laws of the place where you’re holding the event. Nothing puts a damper on a bachelor party like spending most of it in jail.
Who Invited The Incredible Hulk?
The strippers will be accompanied by a big dude who looks capable of appalling violence. This is the escort, who is there to keep the women safe.
Do not fuck with this guy. This is important, so we’re going to say it again: Do. Not. Fuck. With. This. Guy. Not even in a joking, just-messin’-with-ya way. Don’t do anything to make him think you’re a potential troublemaker.
Offer him some food and drink, just to be polite. Don’t take offense when he declines (and he will decline). If he says you can’t do something with regard to the performers, then don’t do it–see the paragraph above.
Why You Want To Be A Creep?
Remember that the dancers are coming into an unfamiliar environment and getting naked in front of complete strangers. Don’t make them feel uncomfortable. Don’t try to get them alone anywhere, or separate them from their guard or the other performers. Don’t insist on knowing their real names, or what they do in their real lives.
If you offer them drinks or food and they turn it down, don’t press (they may be worried about being drugged, which is, sadly, a real concern in their line of work).
Do You Make Them Feel Horny?
Do private strippers ever cross the line and get sexual? Sure. It happens. We’re not going to tell you to refrain if the opportunity presents itself. But keep a couple of things in mind:
- They’re not doing it because you’re hot, even if you are (you’re not). They’re doing it for money, and will charge you accordingly. Don’t even think of not paying them–remember that guy we told you not to fuck with?
- If you’re in a relationship, it’s cheating: you don’t get a free pass just because you’re at a bachelor party.
How you square your conscious, or your bank account, is your own business. But if you wouldn’t go to a prostitute or sleep with someone behind your girlfriend’s back during the other 364 nights of the year, why should this night be any different?
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