Congratulations! You’re engaged. You’ve done the hard part: You’ve convinced an actual human woman, of sound mind, to marry you. Compared to that, your next task will be a breeze: planning your bachelor party. This is your chance to call the shots like a boss and pull off the caper of a lifetime.
Come Up With Your Master Plan
You are at present a single man. But in a few days, weeks or months, you’re going to undergo a legal and cultural transformation so profound that it verges on the physical. You’re getting married, and no matter what people tell you, this isn’t just a matter of some ink on a piece of paper. You will be a different man.
The bachelor party is your rite of passage, and your friends are your community, saying goodbye to the old you and welcoming the new, better you that’ll emerge with a ring on your finger.
No matter what form it takes, this bachelor party should be memorable. That means it needs to be planned as carefully as the heist of a lifetime.
Assemble Your Crew
The men who will accompany you on your bachelor party are your hand-picked team. If this were a film, you’d be George Clooney and they’d be everyone else in Ocean’s Eleven.
Of course, you’re not George Clooney, and your best man is not Brad Pitt. But the men you invite to your bachelor party should be those nearest and dearest to your heart. The attendees don’t have to be groomsmen exclusively. Brothers, relatives, co-workers—how you got to know them is unimportant. What is important is that these are the people you wouldn’t hesitate a nanosecond to call friend. (We do, however, suggest you not invite your father or your future father-in-law).
Bankroll The Operation
Now we’re getting to the nitty gritty. You’re going to throw the most expensive party of your life—your wedding—in the near future, so unless you’re the kind of person who can blow his nose with hundred-dollar bills, you need to set a budget that’s affordable for everyone.
Camping, for example, is a classic budget bachelor-party choice. But it requires all the guests to be some level of outdoorsy. Not everyone wants to sleep under the stars when they could be sleeping under 300-thread-count sheets in a swank hotel suite.
It’s a rare ascetic who turns down a luxury hotel surrounded by beautiful people, cocktails and spa treatments. So if you decide to go that way, be warned: your entire group is going to need deep pockets to come out the other end in the black.
Case The Joint
You know how much you can spend, and you know how much time you have to work with. Now’s the fun part: Where will you go?
Make a list of potential destinations: places you’ve always wanted to go but have never had a chance to visit, cities you’ve been to and loved, towns that are known for a good time. Is there a particular event around which you want to build your party—your favorite band being on tour, or your team playing in the championship?
Once you’ve figured out your deal breakers, cross off the offending venues or destinations. Weigh the pros and cons of the remaining options. Discuss with your best man (or party planner) and the other attendees. They may have the perfect destination you haven’t thought of yet.
Enjoy The Big Payday
After all the planning and the rehearsing, now is the big moment. Whether it’s an elite strip club, exclusive access to a hidden whiskey tasting bar, or driving tanks across the desert, you must move with skill, confidence and enjoyment to pull off your big bachelor party coup.
In other words, relax and enjoy yourself.
But remember what happened after the big Lufthansa heist in Goodfellas. Everybody started getting cocky and throwing their ill-gotten money around. So Robert De Niro’s Jimmy had to ice them one-by-one.
Don’t let your bachelor party guests be like those guys: remind them that what happens in the strip club or bar, stays in the strip club or bar. Anyone who sings to the authorities (in this case wives and/or girlfriends) will soon find themselves sleeping with the fishes.