Groom Duties

You Cheated. Now What?

Of course you would never cheat. You know it’s wrong, disrespectful, and poisonous. You’re made of sterner stuff. You have a stronger backbone. Sure, you have your faults—who doesn’t?—but you would never, ever, ever cheat.

But let’s say you do.

The first thing you should know: you screwed up. Don’t blame your buddies. Don’t blame some random stripper. And even if you guzzled 17 shots of Jack Daniels, don’t blame the alcohol. You blew it. Don’t bullshit yourself.

See also: “I Slept With My Fiance’s Best Friend.”

Then comes the guilt. You will be ravaged and tortured by a heavy, awful sense of your wrong-doing. You won’t sleep. You’ll worry that you just doomed your marriage. If you couldn’t handle fidelity for a single weekend, how the hell will you handle it for the next 70 years?

You will come to the crossroads: should you confess?

There’s no easy answer. You might walk through your two very bad options: “Confess” or “Let it lie.”  You might argue with yourself:

Confess: It’s the right thing to do. It’s the only thing to do. You betrayed your fiancée with your body, but you shouldn’t betray her with your mind.

Let it lie: Are you out of your mind? That’s just selfish. Think about what it will do to your fiancée. If you think that you are upset, she’ll be devastated. She’ll rethink the entire marriage. She’ll lose her faith in you and even herself. You will make her feel insecure and undesirable…all for the purpose of assuaging your guilt.

Confess: Yes, I concede that she’ll be upset. But it’s better to have her upset and know the truth than it is to base our marriage on deception.

Let it lie: Ha. Good one. You really think that your relationship will be stronger if you both analyze you screwing some other girl? Telling the truth is profoundly selfish, because you feel better and she feels worse.

Confess: But it’s the truth, and what about the possibilities of disease and stuff-doesn’t she have a right to know?

…and on and on and on.

Again, neither of these is really the “right” course of action. We’re in Wrongville. We won’t pretend to give you an easy answer. For more specific, private help, hit us at [email protected].

While we’re on the subject, though, let’s consider the scenario where it was not some misguided one-night stand. What if it’s recurring cheating?

See also: He (Sorta) Cheated, She (Sorta) Cheated. What To Do Now? 

In that case… If you are chronically cheating-willfully, deliberately, intentionally-you have much, much bigger issues then whether to tell your fiancée the truth. I’ll be honest. You don’t sound ready for marriage. Maybe you’re not ready, or maybe she’s not the right girl. (To find out if She’s The One, click here.)

This is one of those sober-ass subjects that even bastards like us don’t really like to laugh at.  Again, if you need more specific counsel, hit us at [email protected].


For a less ethically-awful complication, learn about your new uncomfortable money issues.

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