Groom Duties

Why “Icing” is the Dumbest, and Douchiest, Trend of 2010

Wow. I must be out of it.

I’m about as classically, basic, mainstream “Guy” as you can get. (If you need credentials, I wrote a friggin’ book about the rules of being a guy.)

Yet somehow, miraculously, I’ve made it all these years without some tool sneaking up behind me, tapping me on the shoulder, and demanding that I chug a bottle of warm piss Smirnoff Ice.

Apparently, “Icing” is now how we, men, are supposed to prove our… what, exactly? Competitiveness? Virility? Complete lack of taste?

From the New York Times:

The premise of the game is simple: hand a friend a sugary Smirnoff Ice malt beverage and he (most participants have been men) has to drink it on one knee, all at once – unless he is carrying a bottle himself, in which case the attacker must drink both bottles of what Mr. Rospos described as a “pretty terrible” drink.

Amid suspicion that the trend is an elaborate viral marketing campaign by Smirnoff, which the company has denied, new icing photos are posted daily on various blogs, Twitter and Facebook – including scenes from graduations and weddings – and sent directly to a Web site,

There are 784 things about this trend that are dumb. Briefly, a few:

1) That dudes pull this prank after college. Three men alive, and only three men, can get away with this kind of juvenile BS, and they’re not even real people: Vince Vaughn, Will Ferrell, and Luke Wilson from Old School. If you’re not one of these three characters, don’t.

2) That dudes are doing this at a wedding. Look. I’m not one to rail against alcohol. If alcohol didn’t exist, I would either invent it, or die trying. But at a wedding, if you’re a groom, a groomsman, or a best man, you have an obligation to not get shitfaced, and you have an obligation to not embarrass the groom. The “Icing” trend undercuts that responsibility.

3) That dudes are actively encouraging the sale of Smirnoff Ice.

What’s next: men buying each other DVDs of High School Musical 7?

The next time someone barks at you and demands that you chug a Smirnoff Ice, do what appropriate etiquette suggests, and sucker-punch him in the left testicle.

Update: We’re (at least) 48 hours late to the party.  Deadspin has a hysterical and comprehensive run-down of the issue, here. Don’t miss it.

Join The Plunge (Don’t Worry: It’s Free)

Even More Groom Duties