“My best man is getting married…and I’m not even a groomsman. WTF?
I’m getting married in July and one of my best friends is getting married in September of this year. I say “one of” because I have two best friends.
In fact, there are three of us that are best friends with each other, the third isn’t getting married any time soon. I decided to make the one getting married my best man, and the other a groomsman.
However I found out I’m not even a groomsman for my best man (he has about 4 or so brothers who are all groomsmen) yet he makes our other friend that’s not getting married a groomsman.
I know his fiancée has 8 bridesmaids, and he has 7 groomsmen excluding me. I know it’s his wedding, but I can’t help to feel shafted when he makes the other friend a groomsmen. I was hoping both of us would be in the wedding party. I’m kind a feeling like just another friend at this point. Any thoughts?”
-The Plunge Reader
Is this awkward? Is this uncomfortable? Do you feel like chopped liver? Yes, yes, and yes. Is there anything you can do about it, and should this affect your actual friendship? Nope.
Now, for perspective, 7 groomsmen sounds like a small army. But 4 spots are eaten up by his brothers. That leaves 3. And, as you said, the third guy is also a best friend, so he’s understandable. That only leaves 2 guys who jumped ahead of you, not 7.
Still, it sucks. Why did he choose these 2? Who knows. But there are valid reasons. Maybe he was a groomsman or best man in their weddings, years ago. More likely, maybe they go way, waaaaay back; maybe they were friends before you even met. Frankly, it’s also possible that you really are lower on his pecking order of friends. If that’s the case, it’s tough to blame him for following his gut.
Regardless, given your situation, he should have talked to you. He should have explained why you’re excluded, even if it’s something like, “Hey man, I wanted you as a groomsman, but I need to use all 4 of my brothers, and I’ve known these 3 guys since Kindergarten.” He should have said something, anything, given the obvious misalignment. He should have addressed the issue squarely. He didn’t. And that’s shitty.
See also: Doh! Groom Kidnapped Before The Wedding
One caveat. As men, we’re just not good with this stuff. We’re bad with etiquette and social decorum. So while you clearly got shafted, and while he clearly wasn’t classy, don’t let it poison your friendship.
You have the moral high ground. But don’t squander it by getting spiteful, huffy, and pissy. Hopefully he’ll realize that he was thoughtless, and he’ll apologize.
If not? Shake it off and move forward. These things happen.