Groom Duties

Mind of the Bride: Sometimes a Cigar is Just a Cigar

We’ll admit it. We like to think of ourselves as “experts,” or, at the very least, guys who can fake it pretty well.

But when it comes to some subjects, we still know next to nothing.

Like, say, women. Or, more specifically–bridal psychology.

So, from time to time, our friends at OneWed–who have the distinct advantage of being female–will help us pull back the curtain, so to speak. From Marta Segal Block of

Mind of the Bride: Sometimes a Cigar is Just a Cigar

A friend of mine recently got engaged. She mentioned that she was annoyed that her fiancé wasn’t helping her with the gift registry. “Does it bug you because you think he doesn’t care about building your home together?” I asked. “No,” she said, “It bothers me because it’s a sh*tload of work and I’d like some help!”

Sometimes when you hang out in girly wedding land too much you start to think that every issue is a big symbolic issue. Weddings after all are a lot about symbolism. Engagement rings and wedding rings are symbolic. The big white wedding dress is symbolic, and of course, different religions and cultures have all of their own symbolic gestures like unity candles, breaking the glass, and jumping the broom.

A lot of the fights and disagreements you have with each other, or with your parents, or in-laws are also about symbolism. Any time you hear or think the phrase “It’s the principle of the matter,” you are fighting about a symbol. Trust me, your mom doesn’t really care what color dress your future mother-in-law wears, she’s fighting over a symbol of which family’s taste and opinions are now primary in your life.

See also: Inside The Mind of the Bride – Culture Clash 

All that being said, some things are not symbolic. As my friend so elegantly put it, planning a wedding is a shi*tload of work.  If your fiancée is asking for help, it’s not because she wants to know that you care. It’s because like you, she has a full-time job, and lot of other responsibilities and she needs help. Don’t get caught up in girly-girl speak and try to weasel your way out of actually helping by showing how much you care, or how much you trust her. Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar, and sometimes a request for help is just a request for help.

Marta Segal Block writes the Ask the Wedding Maven advice column for, home to both the Savvy Scoop a daily blog of helpful and non-cringe-inducing wedding information and, the single coolest way to plan your wedding online.

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