In World of Groomsmen, Do You Need Quid-Pro-Quo?

“I proposed to my lady two years ago, we were supposed to get married this year but had to put it off because of money trouble.  We chose our wedding party right away, opting for close friends and family members, and we ended up with five people each (I chose my brother, my two cousins, and my two closest friends at the time). 

Now I have this friend Jason.  Two years ago Jason and I weren’t really talking, for dumb reasons.  But now we’re really good friends again, and he’s asked me to be the Best Man at his upcoming wedding.

So here’s my thing.

I was already wondering if I should have asked him to be one of my groomsman, and now that I’m his Best Man, I didn’t know if I was required to ask him or whatever.  I know it isn’t that important, but he’s kind of a sensitive guy and I don’t want to hurt his feelings or something.

I thought about asking him to be another groomsman, but my fiancée doesn’t like the idea of an uneven wedding party, and we both feel like twelve attendants in total is a lot of people.  She’s not sure if there’s anyone else she would want to ask to be a bridesmaid anyway (she’s kind of shy and doesn’t have a whole lot of friends).  But I can’t really think of any other way to include Jason that doesn’t seem stupid.

So here’s my question: since I’m the Best Man in Jason’s wedding, should I include Jason in my wedding party, and if so, how?   Like I said I know that it’s not really that important but I don’t want to hurt the guy’s feelings.

Thanks for the advice in advance, I really appreciate it.”

-The Plunge Reader

There is only one question that matters:  How dead-set is your fiancée against expanding the wedding party

Consider. The difference between 5 and 6 is virtually zilch. In this day and age, 6+ attendants is more and more common. (In my sister’s wedding, the groom had nine groomsmen and no one blinked.)  Surely she has someone to invite as her sixth friend. How does it hurt her to toss in one more?

If she can be persuaded, go this route.

See also: Easiest Job in the Wedding – Job of the Groomsmen

But. As you’ve hopefully gleaned from the rest of our site, your number #1, #2, and #3 job is to stay the hell out of the bride’s way. If this is something that–rationally or irrationally–will spiral her into convulsions, drop it, screw it, don’t press the issue.

In that case? Be honest with him. Tell him something along the lines of, “Hey man, we had to choose our wedding party a long time ago, back when… you know. Now, I really, really want to add you as a groomsmen, but you know how it goes, my bride’s against adding the party. I screwed up, dude. This is my first time doing this, and I’m making mistakes, and this is a big, fat, mistake.  It would mean a lot to me if you could do this Reading at our ceremony…”  Or something like that.

Good luck.

For more, see: Drafting Your Team: Selecting Your Best Man and Groomsmen.

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How Many Best Men? Is it Dumb to Have Multiple

How Many Best Men? Is it Dumb to Have Multiple

I have 3 best friends that I'm trying to decide on a best man. All 3 of us go back to elementary school together and have grown up through the years. I don't know how to choose one and not sure if I can, any one of them one be a great best man...would it be dumb to have 3 best men?