Groom Duties

Here’s Why Your Wedding Guests Shouldn’t Bring Guns

Another day, another trainwreck.

Sometimes the advice we give is so commonsensical we’re a little embarrassed. You’re not an idiot. We’re not idiots. (Well, not all the time.) So, for example, when we tell a reader who’s thinking about cheating “Don’t Cheat” we blush with shame. Obvious stuff, right?

Maybe, maybe not. Events in the real world tell us that no matter how obvious we think an issue is, now matter how straightforward, people will still screw it up.

See also: Groom Kidnapped Before Wedding 

For example: we never thought that we would need to suggest that you “tell your guests not to bring guns.”

We were wrong.

In India, to celebrate the triumph of the wedding, the groom’s uncle fired a shot in the air, and that shot hit and killed the groom.

From Telegraph.co.uk:

Pankaj Kishore Karotia, 21, was just about to claim his new bride and take her from a wedding reception to her family home when his uncle drew his licensed handgun to fire a final shot in celebration. As he was loading it, it fired accidentally and hit his newly-wed nephew in the head.

The reception party was almost finished when the tragedy happened. His new bride was waiting for him in the car as he died.

This actually happened so we don’t want to make light of it. And, to be fair, the practice of bringing guns to weddings in India isn’t unheard of.

Still.  Without taking away from the tragedy, we suggest banning the following items from your reception:

Daggers. You don’t want your buddy Chucky to stab someone in the back while dancing, like Elaine stabs the sailor while dancing in Airplane.

Heroin. Less family-friendly than you’d think.

Hookers. Sure, they’ll be a nice treat for the groomsmen, but they contrast a little with the whole white dress thing.

Office co-workers.  You really want to talk about TPS reports on your wedding day?

Small children.  Because nothing enhances a tranquil, perfect ceremony like “Whhhahaaaa!!!!!!”

You might be aware that daggers, heroin, and hookers should be avoided. You might be skeptical about the co-workers and children.  So here us out. Read Kids at the Wedding: Fun or Fatal? and Co-workers: In or Out?

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