I’ve got a bachelor party coming up, and my younger brother/best man is on the case.
Here’s the issue: My brother and nearly all of the invitees are unmarried and to my knowledge have limited experience with bachelor parties (to be fair, the same is true for me).
And while they’re all great guys, not one of them is exactly Daddy Warbucks, so I’m not sure if, between lack of experience and lack of disposable income, it’s in their plans to sponsor all of my activities for the weekend or if they figure it’s every man for himself.
I’m not unable to ante up–though I support your advice that I shouldn’t have to–but it would be nice to know from the get-go if I’m expected to pay my way. How do I breach this with my brother and the crew?”
You don’t hear “Daddy Warbucks” references enough anymore. That’s great. Seriously. When’s the last time someone quoted Annie? I feel better already.
But enough whiney red-headed brats. Onto your bachelor party.
First, the “Groom Never Pays’ rule, like all rules, has exceptions. And you’ve stumbled into a big one: if you’re an I-Banker and they’re all still in college (or some less-extreme version of this), yeah, it’s kind of a dick move to expect them to subsidize your every nickel.
Here’s what we suggest. Keep it simple. Tell them something like, “Hey, guys, just so you know, I plan on paying for X Y and X.” Take the pressure off them. Volunteer. If you’re genuine with this offer, that should be that. And if they were planning to subsidize your costs no matter what, they’ll push back and insist on paying. Either way, you’ll know where things stand.
Good luck. And remember that the sun will come out, tomorrow.
Find more on these life-and-death issues here: The Bachelor Party.