Groom Duties

Are You a Dating D-Bag? Take the Quiz.

Every guy thinks he’s a good guy. Not every guy is a good guy.

It follows, therefore, that some guys are delusional. Which isn’t so surprising. It’s tough to get perspective. It’s tough to see yourself for who you really are.

Are you a douche? Time to find out. Self-discovery awaits.

It’s a simple quiz. If a Douche Move applies to you, give yourself that many Douche Points. Results at the end.

Douche Move #1: You push booze

Douche Points: 15

You don’t simply “meet for drinks.” You drink with an agenda. You drink with purpose. When she’s only halfway through with her fourth vodka tonic, you flag the waitress, insistently, and make sure another one is queued up. When your date says that it’s late and she needs to go home, you have a classy, elegant, one-word response: “Shots!”

Douche Move #2: You treat your pecs like cleavage

Douche Points: 7

You have a simple theory: why should girls be the only ones who get to show the goods? If you got it, flaunt it. You’ve done p90x, you swig 3 protein shakes a day, you get your chest good and waxed twice a month, so yeah, hell yeah, why not bare the brawn? You unbutton your shirts halfway down your chest, so that if a girl is really, really lucky–and if the angle is just right–she’ll be treated to a glimpse of boy-bellybutton.

Douche Move #3: You call your date “girl”

Douche Points: 5

Context matters. There’s nothing wrong with calling a girl a girl. You, however, address her as Girl, and without any hint of irony. As in, “Girl, I’m gonna make your dreams come true tonight.” Or, “Giiiiirl. Damn. You’re so hot, I would fu#k you dead or alive.”

Keep reading:  Douche Moves 4 – 10.

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