Groom Duties

A Bridesmaid Flakes. So Do You Change Groomsmen?

A bridesmaid flaked. Do I change the groomsmen?

“I just recently learned of complications with groomsmen.  We agreed early on that we’d have three people on both sides-her sister and two friends, and my brother with two friends. 

No complaints there, three is a very manageable number.  I even found three other guys who could wear their uniforms with me.  The only problem is that now her sister has been causing all kinds of problems, and we don’t even know if she’s going to show up any more. 

My fiancée decided to just cut her losses and go with her two friends as bridesmaids and leave it at that.  I’m definitely not disagreeing with her decision, but where does that leave me and my guys?”


We’re going to answer two questions: the one you asked and the one you didn’t ask. Let’s start with the latter.

Should your fiancée reconcile with your sister?

There’s nothing we relish more than making sweeping judgments based on limited information. For what it’s worth (true: nothing), we urge your fiancée to consider a reconciliation.

Unless your sister burned down your fiancée’s apartment, issued a fatwā, or splattered her wedding dress with blood, a reconciliation should be possible.

Things currently look bleak, the situation irrevocable. This is rarely the case. Even if her sister is 100% guilty and your fiancée is 100% innocent, it still makes sense–even if it’s only for show–to extend the olive branch. If she’s incapable of performing Maid of Honor duties, keep her that in name-only, and delegate the hard responsibilities to the bridesmaids.

See also: Bride and Bride’s Family Fight – What Do You Do? 

(Jesus. I need to go drink a whiskey, bench press 200 pounds, and then uproot a tree with my bare hands, anything, anything, to get back in touch with my masculinity. Did that just happen? Did I just give advice-unsolicited- about how brides should handle bridesmaids?)

And now, the question you asked…

What should you do with your guys?

Assuming reconciliation fails, where do you stand?

Keep the three guys who can “wear uniforms with you.” Uninviting people is tough. You’ll feel like an ass, and that’s because you’ll be acting like an ass. Don’t touch your groomsmen party-you’re set.

A far simpler solution? Just have your fiancée find another bridesmaid. Done and done. It’s not really that complicated. Surely she has another friend, right?  If not, find one. My sister’s available and pleasant.

Good luck.

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