A reader writes:
“After the proposal, the sex died down. Why is this, and what can I do to bring it back? FAST!”
If that question had a silver-bullet answer, then we’d shut down this site, collect our billions, and spend 16+ hours a day shattering bedposts.
Alas. And you haven’t really given us a whole lot of context, so we can only suggest possibilities of what’s causing your dry spell. Good luck.
1. She’s less than thrilled with your obsession of FAST
Very, very, very rarely in human history has a woman said, “You know, I wish we had less foreplay.”
Your move: Slow things down. Carve out time from your schedules to take her on a proper date-you remember those-and reintroduce the tenderness, slowness, and teasing of your first time together… assuming your first time wasn’t getting busy in a Burger King bathroom.
2. She’s stressed with wedding junk
The simplest possibility. Also the most harmless. On top of her normal job, she’s swamped with vendors and budgets and panicked phone calls from her mother. This is not sexy.
Your move: Let her know how much you appreciate her planning. Surprise her with a non-obligatory gift….and not just flowers, but something personalized and quirky that will make her laugh. And this leads into the next one…
3. She’s resentful that you’re not being more helpful
And maybe she has good reason. True, in almost every article, we joke about how a groom should blow off the wedding planning and only do the bare minimum. We hope you know we’re joking. Man up.
Your move: Offer to help. And not just in a passive aggressive way, like saying while watching football, “Need some help with that hon? No? Good.” Don’t just offer to help. Help.
4. You have a Super Bowl hangover
We see it every few years: the Super Bowl winners get fat, get lazy, and forget what made them champions. Some grooms fall into this rut. They’ve got the wife locked down, so now they can just relax, get fat, get lazy. As every relationship writer is contractually obligated to say, “relationships are work.” Romance is work. It’s possible that you’ve been inattentive, and this is her response.
Your move: We can’t reinforce that first point enough-more foreplay, more foreplay, more foreplay. But remember: this isn’t just about sex. Act as if you’re still in courtship phase. Flirt. Go to restaurants she likes. (Invite her along.)
Buckle up. Now we’re getting to the tougher stuff…
5. She’s anxious about the future
Money. Your new life together. Possible conflicts with in-laws. Gender stereotypes are often garbage: you’re not the only one who has these anxieties. Women get cold feet. On a more subconscious level, she could have doubts.
Your move: Talk to her. Don’t be afraid to go there. Let her know that you’re also nervous-who wouldn’t be?-and you’d like to talk these issues through, communicate more, that kinda shit.