2.2 million guys get married ever year. 2.19 million of them have no idea what they're doing. Learn from their mistakes.

You gave it a chance. You tried reading up on wedding planning. But you need a "translation," of sorts. This is it.

Have you considered BYOB, Twittering your vows, or coporate sponsorship? Get the complete list of dumb ideas.

Your wedding is going to cost a crapload of money. In olden times, your fiancée’s father paid for it, and that was that. Now? Not so simple...

How do you ask your fiancée’s father, “Hey, old man, can you loan me $30,000 bucks so I can steal your daughter and boff her for life?” This is how.

Learn how much you’ll spend/waste on the venue, the flowers, and every other overpriced item. Sorry. This one’s unavoidable.

If you want, you can work hard to save every nickel. Also, if you want, you can shoot yourself in the head. Save money without becoming groomzilla.

Good news: it’s not your job to plan the reception (you’re a dude.) But you should still watch for these 10 signs of danger.

The biggie. The one variable that will drive every other cost. Follow the rule of thirds, be a jerk, and use a police lineup. Here’s how.

If you ignore this issue, you could find yourself getting married on Game 7 of the World Series. Don’t be That Guy. Avoid these dates...

You will have a guest list. You will need a spreadsheet for organizing said guest list. Want the best one in the business? You're welcome.

Your primary role in picking the venue will be to stay out of the bride's way. This is her show. That said, you should know a few basics...

Guantanamo Bay. Fort Leavenworth. And your fiancées bridal shower. Careful: she might loop you in. Here’s how to dodge.

Spend half the cash, go someplace tropical, and avoid those lame cousins you’ve always despised. Consider the destination wedding—a secret panacea.

This will surprise you. We do not suggest you blow this off. Instead? Keep the mood upbeat. Practice. Own the first dance.

You need to oversee the transportation. Limos? Sports cars? Boats? Find some lightning-quick ideas.

[Yawn.] We know. Photographers. This is the dregs of wedding planning. If you’re suckered into helping with this, here’s all you need to know (and not a damn bit more).

Jewish/Catholic. Atheist/Baptist. Hindu/Methodist. Witch/Warlock. Here’s how to navigate your interfaith wedding.

Take our advice: don’t do it. Writing your own vows is risky and clunky. But if she’s forcing you... this is your lifeline.

Family. Friends. The warm glow of wedding bliss. HA! Maybe there’s all that junk, but, if you’re not careful, the rehearsal dinner will be hell. Your guideline for avoiding the fate...