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The 10 Dumbest Reasons to Get Married

There are plenty of good reasons to get married. There are also some dumb ones. (Guess which ones we care about?)

10DumbReasonsMarried_620

As thousands of guys get ready to pop the question, it's worth doing the math and realizing that, well, since 50% of marriages end in divorce... um, maybe half of those guys should not be popping the question.

Now, to clarify, if one of the below reasons fits you to a T, that does not necessarily mean you should flat-out dump this girl. It's possible--likely--that you also have other, more substantive reasons. If, however, one of these is the core, primary, driving reason you're getting hitched...slow down. Take a few months. Take a year. Think things over, get to know her better, and make sure you're ready. If she's the right girl today, she'll be the right girl a year from today.

The 10 Dumbest Reasons to Get Married:

1. She's pregnant!

As always, please direct your hate mail to editor@theplunge.com. To clarify, we're not saying that it's always a bad idea to get married if you've had an accident. It's honorable. It's well-intentioned. And if it's coupled with real love and compatibility with your girlfriend, then you have our blessing. But. If the fundamentals are wrong--if you don't get along, if you barely know the girl, if you don't really want to be a dad, if you merely feel the tug of obligation... there are other ways you can be responsible and be a stand-up guy.

2. You found yourself a Sugar Momma.

Do you really want to have so much in common with Kevin Federline?

3. She gave you an ultimatum.

Think like Secretary of Defense Robert Gates and withdrawing troops from Afghanistan: you don't believe in a hard deadline. For much more on this, check out our article on Ultimatums.

4. Settling.

When you purchase clothes, you don't buy the very finest silk from the very finest brand--you just need something that looks good, fits good, and won't bust your wallet. Same with your home, your car, your tv. Settling is part of life. We rarely get the best possible thing. Your choice of life partner, however, should never be a "backup." Know your standards. Stick to them. Now... is it possible that someone who was once a backup has risen to be a starter, sorta like Tom Brady replacing Drew Bledsoe? Sure.

5. She's hot.

This doesn't mean you need to marry ugly. It means that physical attraction is a necessary, but not sufficient, criteria for marriage. You need to really, really, really know this girl before you pledge the rest of your life. Sex appeal isn't forever. With apologies to Helen Mirren, no one's hot at 60.

6. Green cards.

More sensible ways of making easy money: slinging crack, prostitution, and scoring a government bailout.

7. Everybody's doing it.

Maybe all your high school buddies are now wifed-up, buying houses, and squirting out babies. You're still single. So you're starting to feel--for the first time in your life, maybe--a little behind the curve. Okay. Fine. That's a good reason to start thinking about getting serious, and maybe it's the kick-in-the-ass you need to grow up, but it's not, by itself, a reason to gamble the next 70 years of your life.

8. You're depressed.

Tough one. On the one hand, if you're a chronically moody person--and this woman lights you up, fills you with joy, blah blah--who's to argue with that? That's a pretty big selling point of the whole "love" thing: making the unhappy happy. Be honest, though. If you have some deep, fundamental psychological issues, and you're using her as a crutch to keep those demons at bay, you first need to get your own house in order.

9. Your family's pressuring you.

Ummmm... dude? You're not 14 anymore. You're allowed to stay up past 9pm. You can drink. You don't need to ask permission to drive the family station wagon. It's time to crawl out from Mommy's shadow.

10. You want a dream wedding.

Not only do you need to not get married, you need to stop being such a little bitch.

Of course, this list is incomplete. And there are plenty of serious, non-sexy, Big Issue questions and issues you need to consider. For more on that, take our quiz on Is She The One?

-Jeff Wilser


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Comments (6)

this is hilarious

this article is hilarious - because its so true!
Mike the boss, December 19, 2009
 

Still looking good at 60

For all us 60 year old men, Helen Mirren is NOT hot. You young guys better get over the age thing though, because before you know it you'll be 50/60.

Most 60 year old women go into "grandma" mode, wearing sweatshirts and baggy stretch pants to cover their 50 (or more) extra pounds, possibly to compete with hubbies extra 50 pounds around the middle.

My wife is a size 2, fit, trim and wears very fashionable clothes. I think she still looks better HOT.
Fred Thomas, December 20, 2009
 

what about love?

i agree with so many things. Getting married because of a pregnancy is not a reason to do it, the pressure is far more intense with a little one in the middle. I got married soon after we had our son because it was the "right" thing to do. The whole mishmash of getting used to living together and parenting all at once had me screaming at my husband all the time and he would just shut down and pull away. it was far from easy let me tell you. then an old friend of mine got married because he was being pressured from family and saw an opportunity in a young woman who had an advanced degree and would make good money, hence it was convenient and the girl isn't "ugly", but i don't know about giving your "life" to opportunity. what has happened to true love and does that reason to tie the knot exist anymore?
jax2, February 22, 2010
 

...

hey...Green cards are not such a bad reason ;)
RachelCorrine, October 21, 2010
 

Helen Mirren

Helen Mirren has a BANGIN body. Good for your wife, but Helen is I'm sure equally attractive.
D, December 15, 2011
 

$40,000 Ring

I rather buy a Flesh Light and be single.

Chris Robert, October 28, 2012
 
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Unlike a certain someone, we're not asking for a
lifelong commitment. This can stay casual.
Join us and get:
  • Access to the Community
  • To-do reminders (less lame than it sounds)
  • Antidotes to your bride's wedding-porn
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