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 Subject :He wants to elope. I want a wedding... 11-25-2010 09:08 
Bivi
Joined: 11-25-2010 11:42
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Sorry guys… but I’m a gal! I know that this page was designed for Grooms but it is very intriguing to me the way a male’s mind works. So here goes my question/dilemma (how ever you wish to call it).

My boyfriend proposed on 10/10/10 at 10:10! I thought that was AWESOME! I was very excited about him proposing my face literally hurt from smiling all day! I think every girl is excited when their boyfriend proposes! Until we got to plan what I thought would be a wedding. Turns out my fiancé wants to elope! I thought that would be great IF I WAS AN ORPHAN! He says he freaks out just by the thought of having a wedding and he doesn’t want to go through all that drama! He even said that he might not even show up that day!!! (I don’t want to sound dumb but is this a mayor red flag?) We’ve talked and talked and TALKED about this! I told him that I was willing to compromise for small wedding, 30-40 people at the most. Maybe have a destination wedding with JUST our closest friends and family. He knows I come from a huge family and I am willing to not invite all of my 80 cousins (maybe only invite 10 at the most) and still he freeeeeeeeeaks out! His “happy medium” would be his parents, my parents, his sister and my brother THAT’S ALL. There seems to be no other way. This breaks my heart. Everyone is asking me if we’ve chosen a date yet. My parents have waited 30 years to plan my wedding and I don’t have the heart to tell my mom “hey mom guess what we are eloping”, she would hate him! I just can’t do that to them. I don’t want to lie, I  have always dreamed of a big wedding were my dad walks me down the isle and I have my friends and family as witness to this Big day! But I am willing to compromise for a small intimate wedding and he’s not. We’ve gotten into some heated arguments because of this. I don’t know what to do. Can this be a deal breaker for him? I wish he would understand what I want… as I am trying to understand what he wants.

Any feedback would be greatly appreciated. Thanks guys.

BV

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 Subject :Re:He wants to elope. I want a wedding... 12-06-2010 16:45 
Crvlover
Joined: 12-06-2010 21:15
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Sorry to hear about your dilemma... It is important to talk about these things before the engagement. My fiance was a big fan of eloping and I convinced her to have a wedding for all the same reasons that you want one. $40,000 later and after an amazing amount of family drama, we are only 5 days away. My advice would be to try to come to a compromise. If he asked you to marry him, he should be willing to come to a compromise.
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 Subject :Re:He wants to elope. I want a wedding... 12-31-2010 02:15 
Katzenbt
Joined: 12-31-2010 06:58
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I'm going to give a totally different perspective to this.

I have been a single dad, raising my 3 children for the last 14 years. We are very close. My son joined the Army right after graduation this year and just came home for Christmas (The best Christmas present I could have received). On Tuesday of this week I received a phone call from him (at about 4:30pm). He said "Dad, I have some huge news... Haley and I are getting married." My response was "Congratulations baby". I then asked if they had set a date and he told me they were on their way to get married right now. Wait... "I'm an hour away hun, what time are you doing it?". He said right now. I was not invited nor was I able to get their fast enough. Although he was visiting his mother with the other kids at the time and they were all in attendance.

  My feelings: Wow, I have raised these guys with love and hard work, by myself for years. I was not only hurt for not being invited earlier, but because when I thought about it I realized that they had been planning this for almost a week and I wasnt told. Were they affraid that I'd try to talk them out of it? Why wouldn't any of the kids tell dad? I have a ton of questions that will never be answered, but the feeling is being crapped on for years of support (financial and emotional). I have made the choice to let the issue go. My son leaves in a couple days again. Will I see him or talk to him before he leaves, no. The pain is such that there is absolutely no trust with anyone involved in this. 2 days of no sleep, wondering why, wondering whats next... Eloping is selfish. This is a time when a parent has the ability to give the hand of their child to another person, trusting that person to care for them as they have for so many years. Not having that option leaves a sense of failure and disrespect in my heart.  The best advice I have, is to think about who is affected by your decisions, as there is a response that may be quite different than your initial thoughts.

 

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 Subject :Re:He wants to elope. I want a wedding... 11-21-2011 21:17 
maggieuk8513
Joined: 11-22-2011 02:09
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 Subject :Re:He wants to elope. I want a wedding... 05-03-2012 21:51 
lishaohong163
Joined: 05-04-2012 01:12
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 Subject :Re:He wants to elope. I want a wedding... 05-07-2012 17:48 
fghgfh
Joined: 05-07-2012 21:40
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