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Hello HeartsBandit,
Me and my girlfriend have had a long distance relationship for 8 years. She is an Architect and I am still waiting to find a Teaching job, hiring freeze in the district. While we were studying years ago we would only see each other once or twice a month. This was fine when we were students because we had agreed to work things out as the problems and issues arose, and they did. We had broken up a couple of times, the worst was when she left to Italy for a year. So anyways, we got through it and remained interested and worked things out as we were both finishing college. We made an agreement to spend as much time together as possible to see if we should take the next step in our distant but serious relationship. This was 1 year and a half ago.
I still have not been able to get a career but i have two great jobs with the district and i can maintain until the hiring freeze is over. She struggled to become an Architect during these times, but luckily she was hired and has been working for 8 months now. After graduation we spent plenty of time together and we realized how happy we are being together...we got engaged. As it turns out, her new job has her commuting over an hour one way to get to work. I myself m off work at 6pm. The past 8 months we have returned to a distant relationship in which we only see each other about 3 times a months.
OK, heres were things get confusing and complicated for me. 3 months ago she meets a new co-worker, did not know him prior at any point in our relationship. My girl tells me he is gay, yet he has had relationships with females, and he as recently as two years ago broke off a relationship with a female. So, naturally i think he's either bi- or just recently became gay. I know from some of my friends that gay men have felt they were gay all their lives.
They live 10 minutes apart, and now share a commute of over an hour each day just to get to work, and 1 hour and a half coming home thru traffic. Their friendship has quickly grown, in the ten years i know her, she has not developed a relationship this quickly. I understand this is her career and he is a carpool buddy. Then the pressure from work starts to make her feel depressed, distant and less communicative towards me. In the three months she has known her new friend "E," they have grown from co-workers to being best-friends essentially, Holloween costume parties, Xmas and New years party invitations. In the past three months, they have gotten plenty of time to have breakfast when they arrived too early for work, they share lunchtime, and at times have shared Happy Hour drinks after work. Please keep in mind that since she got this career stated we have only been seeing each other 3 times a month, (very little intimacy). A month ago was her Bday, she left to Big Bear at the last minute with her two cousins. I had not seen her nor been with her for the previous 2 weeks. Normally we get closer in our relationship during the Winter season. This year, we had been discussing getting engaged, and we did.
However, two weeks ago while we were in bed asleep, she was feeling restless because of back pain and couldnt sleep. I woke up to try to help comfort her and she says the words, "I WANT TIME OFF" Her reasoning is that her boss is putting pressure on her, and that the company might downsize employees. She has only had the job for 8 months and has been asked several times to take Project Manager title on many projects. She has refused to take on extra responsibility and just want to continue learning because she is new, but she is already more advanced than the Project Managers that are making 30$+ an hour, my girl is only making entry level salary (half). Yet she often works late and gets at least 1 hour of overtime everyday, sometimes more because of deadlines.
She really has a Horrible Boss, but one that prefers her over his veterans because she makes less money and works faster than old men who never updated their Architecture technology. Basically, I dont believe she will be part of the downsizing. She has been telling me the only reason why she remains working their is because of her friends. So, she wants "time off to reflect what is going to happen with her life, and her new job." This was two weeks ago, the following weekend she goes out with her carpool buddy and friends to a club. They got so wasted that she couldnt drive home and spent the night sleeping in his bedroom with another female friend from work, while he "E" slept in a different room. In 8 months I have only gotten to see her and be with her physically and romantically only 3 times a month on average. She carpools and talks to her new best friend everyday, and in only 3 months she is sleeping over is house. He, "E" still lives with his parents in a two-story house, by the way.
She claims that there is nothing sexual going on, because "he's gay" as she says. I tell her its the time, the intimacy, the growing friendship that intimidates me. I dont feel comfortable with this situation. Why does a woman who has verbally agreed to be engaged ask for time off, when the relationship already has plenty of space. She claims its her job that is pressuring her, yet I get "time off." And the first weekend after her request she goes out with co-workers, gets too drunk and spends the night in his bed.
I have broken off the engagement, and we are discussing our relationship entirely. She insists that she loves me and we should get married and that there is nothing wrong with having a gay best-friend around.
Please help me, I need as much advice from people who have nothing to gain from either myself or my girl. I am getting a wide variety of answers from the people we know, mostly biased opinions. I joined because I wanted to hear from Plungers! |
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