Ah, the prenup. A surefire way to kill romance, lose trust, and jeopardize your relationship. Is it worth it? Do you need it? How do you get her to sign it?

50%. You can’t escape it. 50% of all marriages end in divorce. Put differently, half the grooms reading this very article, eventually, will either dump or get dumped. Sorry dude. If you ever meet us in person, we’ll let you sucker-punch us in the gut, kick us in the balls, stab us in the heart. But we’re just giving it to you straight. And don’t get us wrong. We’re not trying to steer you away from marriage; you have (roughly) 50% odds at blackjack, too, and we play that all the time.

Besides, we can just tell by looking at you—you’re different.

It would be foolish, however, to completely ignore this very real, very sober possibility. It’s said that true love can conquer all, but in the history of mankind, true love has never conquered a nasty divorce proceeding. Remember, every spiteful breakup once began with a happy, lovey-dovey engagement...just like yours.

Which brings us to three little words. “I love you.” These three little words have an evil twin, a polar opposite, a ying to its yang: “Sign the Prenup.” These words are toxic. Poison. They can undermine trust, stoke the flames of insecurity, sow the seeds of doubt.

Do you really want to go there? Only if you have to.

Remember, negotiating a prenup will shatter the romance. You need to deal with this weeks or months before the wedding. If you’re contemplating this just before the wedding, you need to abandon hope and roll the dice.

And let’s clear up one big fat misconception. Typically, a prenup does not necessarily mean that you get to keep all of your future earnings. In general, it’s designed to protect the assets that you already own. This matters a good deal for Donald Trump when he gets remarried, not so much for the fresh-faced 21-year-old.

Let’s repeat this point. If you and your fiancée have about the same level of wealth (or lack thereof)...then you probably don’t need one. But if you’re loaded, if she’s in debt, or someone owns a company and has partners—yeah, you need to think seriously about it.

There are smart ways and dumb ways to negotiate this thorny topic. Choose your words carefully.

Dumb argument: “If you love me, you’ll sign the prenup.”

This is transparently condescending. It won’t win you any points and you look like a douche.

Smart argument: “This isn’t about us. It’s about our future kids.”

Stress that you can’t ever, ever, EVER imagine a scenario where you would get divorced. Ever. But fine, for the sake of argument, if it were to happen, by then you’d probably have kids, and a messy divorce would be tough on the children. At that point—because of the kids—the cleaner the separation the better. A prenup will dramatically streamline a divorce and minimize the chances of legal hell. So you’re not doing this for you...you’re doing it for the health and love of your future children. Ahhhhww. Go ahead and order that Dad of the Year coffee mug.

Dumb argument: “Baby, a prenup will guarantee that I won’t cheat on you, because there’s an ‘infidelity clause.’”

This one’s easier to swat away than a Jason Collins layup. She’ll immediately (and correctly) counter that you shouldn’t cheat because you love her, not because it’s in the contract. A non-starter.

Smart argument: “I don’t really care. But my business partners insist.”

If you own a company—or if you’re in a partnership—a prenup may be legally required by your partnership agreement or shareholders agreement to shield the other partners. Frankly, they should insist that you get one or otherwise, if you get divorced, your ex-wife will be their (and your) business partner. Awkward.

Dumb argument: “50% of marriages end in divorce. Let’s be realistic.” Like a good Senator, never obscure your position with the facts. Avoid reality. Avoid statistics. Avoid the negative. Instead, focus on the other, objective stuff like your future children, debt, and business issues.

Smart argument: “This isn’t my thing. I don’t care. But my lawyer insists, and he wants you to speak to a lawyer, too. I know, I know. This sucks. But he says we should get it out of the way, put it behind us, and never think about it again.”

Blame the lawyers. And if you’re really serious about this, insist that she, too, sees her own  lawyer. Otherwise it might not stand up in court. (Not that you’ll need it.)

Dumb argument: “This will give us both peace of mind.”

It doesn’t matter that this happens to be the truth. Wrong approach. Your angle is that you don’t personally want the prenup, you’re not personally concerned about a divorce, and that the only thing you’re personally worried about is whether she has the most beautiful wedding day ever. You’re happy and trusting and carefree. Your damn business partners, on the other hand, insist on some evil paperwork...

Smart argument: “This has nothing to do with the relationship. It’s about the creditors.” If you’re crushed by a mountain of debt, a prenup will protect her from the hungry creditors. So, in this case, you’re not stressing her vs. you, but you’re trying to protect both of your financial future from an outside threat.

These are the basics. For much, much more technical info on why you might (or might not) want a prenup—as well as online forms and how to get started—check out what the suits at MyFamilyLaw have to say here.

For one of the best resources on the Prenup we've seen online, check out prenuptialagreements.org.

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