Every guy thinks he's a good guy. Not every guy is a good guy. It follows, therefore, that some guys are misinformed. Are you?

Every guy thinks he's a good guy. Not every guy is a good guy. It follows, therefore, that some guys are delusional. Which isn't so surprising. It's tough to get perspective. It's tough to see yourself for who you really are.

Are you a douche? Time to find out. Self-discovery awaits.

It's a simple quiz. If a Douche Move applies to you, give yourself that many Douche Points. Results at the end.

Douche Move #1. You push booze.
Douche Points: 15

You don't simply "meet for drinks." You drink with an agenda. You drink with purpose. When she's only halfway through with her fourth vodka tonic, you flag the waitress, insistently, and make sure another one is queued up. When your date says that it's late and she needs to go home, you have a classy, elegant, one-word response: "Shots!"

Douche Move #2: You treat your pecs like cleavage.
Douche Points: 7

You have a simple theory: why should girls be the only ones who get to show the goods? If you got it, flaunt it. You've done p90x, you swig 3 protein shakes a day, you get your chest good and waxed twice a month, so yeah, hell yeah, why not bare the brawn? You unbutton your shirts halfway down your chest, so that if a girl is really, really lucky--and if the angle is just right--she'll be treated to a glimpse of boy-bellybutton.

Douche Move #3. You call your date "Girl."
Douche Points: 5

Context matters. There's nothing wrong with calling a girl a girl. You, however, address her as Girl, and without any hint of irony. As in, "Girl, I'm gonna make your dreams come true tonight." Or, "Giiiiirl. Damn. You're so hot, I would fu#k you dead or alive."

Douche Move #4. You drop the L-bomb to get laid.
Douche Points: 20

You understand that the word "Love" is a means to an end. It's simple, really. You want to get sex, she wants to be loved. Everyone's a winner! You tell her you love her--even though you don't really mean it--causing her 3 months of heartache for your 3 minutes of hardness. And you think that's a square deal.

Douche Move #5. You sext-text too soon.
Douche Points: 8

After the first date--that ends with a lingering kiss but nothing more--you feel comfortable drunk-texting her with "I want 2 lick Ur Body" or "I'm only wearing my g-string" or "U as horni as me?" or "I want to sex you. Giiirl."

Douche Move #6. You do the "Fade Out."
Douche Points: 5

When you decide you don't want to see a girl anymore, instead of telling her, you spin a web of white lies. This web incudes sickness (cough!), late nights at work, visiting parents, and an alarming number of malfunctioning cell phone batteries. This entire operation takes two months, baffles and infuriates the girl, keeps you off Facebook, and requires 14 different texts and lies... but you're pleased that you avoided a "talk."

Douche Move #7. You push for sex without a condom.
Douche Points: 30

"Girl, you know it feels so much better. I'm clean. I promise."

Douche Move #8. You get numbers for the sake of getting numbers.
Douche Points: 12

When you're at bars with your buddies, you meet girls just to rack up stats. You flirt without interest. You strike up conversations just to prove that you can. You collect numbers with no intention of calling, the way Cameron's dad had the Ferrari but never cared to drive it. You show your Blackberry's address book to a buddy, and you brag that you have four Sheilas in there... and you only remember two. Then you fist-bump.

Douche Move #9. You bait and switch.
Douche Points: 15

A distant cousin of Douche Move #4. But this one's more general. You string her along, you suggest that you want a real relationship, you meet her parents even, and then, poof!, you bolt without explanation. Because you're a romantic.

Douche Move #10. You cheat.
Douche Points: 40

Perhaps you intellectualize this. You tell yourself that human beings aren't wired for monogamy, it's not in our DNA, it's a pathetic anachronism that serves no purpose, much like the electoral college and mail. Or maybe you just don't give a shit. Either way, when you've committed yourself to a woman--when you've told her that you will be with her, and no one else--you break her trust and break your honor, all for a fleeting thrill.

Scoring time!

Here's how it works. Add up all your points.

Have your score?

The breakdown:

We have some bad news for you. All of the above is pretty sketchy. So here's how the scoring works. If your score is greater than 0, you kinda date like a douche.

Fix it.

-Jeff Wilser

Of course, ths only a partial list. We'll add more in the future. Feel free to add your own Douche Moves, below.

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Follow: Jeff Wilser on Twitter.