The Plunge Blog

A reader writes:

"My fiancee and I have started talking about food for the wedding.  My parents offered to make the food and take care of everything foodwise (of course help will be enlisted), while her parents are worried that it would be too big of a task to undertake and that we would screw it up.

"Putting aside the question about the quality of the made food versus the catered food, and the fact that if something does happen her side of the family is going to be livid with my side and not the caterers, am I crazy to even consider my parents proposition? 

"I seem to think it would be possible, especially knowing that we have 18 months to plan it all out.  We've planned some big events before and had everything turn out, and by doing the food ourselves, we could save a ton of money.  For what its worth, we're thinking we'll have about 150 people at the wedding.

A reader asks:

"So my fiancée and I are a little confused about what to do with our first dance.  We can't decide whether to have our first dance immediately upon entering the reception hall or to wait until after we've eaten and all the toasts are over. 

"In the first case we would have something to do after the fanfare of our initial entrance.  In the second case the continuity of the "dance mentality" is preserved.  Which would be more beneficial to the flow of our reception?"

________

What's the exact opposite of chocolate and peanut butter, you know, two great things that go great together? 

Two awful things that go awful together: wedding planning and taxes.

A fairly informative (if a touch dry) article in the Wall Street Journal about how getting married impacts your taxes.

From the Journal:

A reader writes:

"We're planning on providing free margaritas and free sangria the whole night while offering a cash bar as well. 

"The state we live in has really stringent DUI laws and the cops are jerks.  Most of our guests will be from out of town and we want to minimize the drunk driving and trashed guests. 

"Do you still suggest offering an open bar on top of the free mixed drinks?  Should we compromise and offer only signature drinks (the margaritas, the sangrias, a booze, a beer and a mixed drink)?  Or should we suck it up and shell out the cash for the open bar?"

The first thing to note: the phrase "celebrity wedding planner" makes about as much sense as "celebrity toilet cleaner" or "celebrity dog catcher."

This is a profession that just shouldn't have celebrities. 

That said, this episode only hardens our skepticism of the "wedding planner" role.

According to The New York Daily News, a celebrity wedding planner screwed over a couple, left them high and dry, and is now slapped with a lawsuit.

Reader Dunndolo4life asks in The Forums:

"Long time no speak plunge.

"I have an idea for our wedding that everyone seems to think is the most ridiculous idea ever. (Sucking in air) Here goes......

"Now from my understanding, a wedding is a celebration of two people coming together in holy matrimony, or in simpler terms, two people who love each having a ceremony to celebrate their commitment or something along them lines am I right????

A reader writes:

"Yes, I'm a woman (gasp!) and you didn't scare me away. Nice try.

"It's like this: Neither my fiance or myself really care about the wedding or wedding planning. We both care about marrying each other and that's it. I know I want some kind of wedding, but planning is like pulling teeth. I don't give a fu#k what kind of flowers are in my bridesmaids' bouquets and 80% of me wishes I could just wear jeans.

"Problem: Both of our families are INSISTENT that we have a "real wedding". His grandmother would most likely have a heart attack if we didn't (his father eloped... twice). I like the woman. She's cool. I don't want her to die. We're going traditional on payment (wedding - my parents, booze and rehearsal dinner - his parents), but yeah, both families are insisting on a "real" wedding, and my parents honestly aren't that thrilled about the marriage to begin with.

Sometimes you just need to Get. Things. Done.  This is true at your office, this is true at your home, and this is true in your engagement.

Writer Chris Illuminati suggests a slightly different, less-PC method of getting things done. His theory? Sometimes you have to be an asshole. It's outlined in his new book "Assholeology: The Science Behind Getting Your Way - and Getting Away with it."

For the record, there's only one problem with this premise. After talking with Chris, i realized he doesn't sound at all like an asshole. He sounds like a pretty decent guy. In the book, however, he draws a crucial distinction between "Assholes" and "Douchebags." Sometimes, to get things done, you have to be the former. You should never be the latter. (For example, he credits Bill Gates for being an asshole. And labels Spencer Pratt as a douchebag.)

So we asked Chris how grooms could embrace this theory during their engagement. He gave us 5 ideas.

Is this an Onion article or a piece of real news? Sometimes it's hard to tell.

When we heard that a couple is trying to fund their wedding by saving aluminum cans, we thought it was a joke, and then we thought, well, they must be talking about only 2 bags of cans, 3 bags, something manageable.

Then we heard that they saved more than 18,000 cans. In their living room. Think about that. 18,000 is about the capacity of Madison Square Garden. Now imagine that after the basketball game, every single person in attendance dumped their trash in your living room. Granted, for some Knicks squads, that might only be 17 people, but still.

But they're not stopping at 18,000. Their final goal: 400,000. Jesus.

We hate New Year's Resolutions. They strike us as cheesy and obvious and trite. And a little arbitrary, no? Why not March 17th Resolutions or St. Patrick's Day Resolutions? After all, you're pretty much the same dude on January 1st as you were on December 31st, just a little older, a little poorer, and a billion times more hung over. Not much changes. In a sense, New Year's Resolutions are to self-improvement what Valentine's Day is to romance.

Then again... be honest. Did you make resolutions on St. Patrick's Day? Did you actually think about self-improvement throughout the year? Me neither. So, yes, at the risk of following the herd and mooing, we'll seize the opportunity. It's not life-changing. It's not earth-shattering. But self-improvement, like nearly all improvement, is incremental.

Most of this list applies for all men. Sprinkled in are a few for guys getting married.

1. Go to the gym for the first 7 days of January, then stop.
Why bullshit yourself? Let's call it like it is. Every item on this list is something you can actually do without overhauling your schedule, habits, finances, or relationship.

2. Filter your Twitter.
A good rule of thumb: If at least 5 people won't find your thought interesting, don't Twitter it, Mutter it.

3. Don't be a Tiger.
If you want to have sex with a never-ending buffet of women, fine, we won't hold it against you. If you do it while engaged or married, we will hold it against you.

4. Surprise her with an omelet.

5. Don't freak out if she's freaking out.
It's natural. And after the wedding, she'll return to normal. For perspective, when you watch a football game you scream obscenities, your face gets all red and scary, and you yell at players who are 2,000 miles away and wouldn't listen to you anyway. And somehow she still accepts you. (Now if only the wedding planning could be condensed into three hours...) More on Bridezilla here.

6. Visit your family...
...When you don't have to. So on a weekend besides Thanksgiving or whatever, arrange a low-stress visit that's unfettered by ceremony.

7. Get a new suit.
Not something for job interviews, but something stylish and casual for your punishing schedule of social events. Get it tailored. Splurge on a new tie and well-fitted dress shirt--the details count.

8. Don't be "That Guy."
You know That Guy. He brags about expensive shit he just bought, he kisses up to the boss, and, in all likelihood, he can't stop talking about how awesome his wedding will be. Never be That Guy.

9. Take up smoking.
It's fun. It's the perfect excuse to take a break from work. And cigarettes are medically proven to have fewer calories, fat, and carbohydrates than fruit or vegetables.

10. Don't do everything you see on dumb New Year's Resolution Lists.
Like the above. And if you meet the dual criteria of: 1) smoker; 2) getting married, use this as your final, ironclad reason to quit. You're now in a family, so you're infesting them with nicotine, too. Also? You started smoking so you could look cool. You'll soon be married. You no longer have to look cool.

You'll find 11 - 50 here. Enjoy.

A reader writes:

"I proposed to my girlfriend a couple of months ago and she has been dying to start the planning of the wedding, but i keep on delaying the planning because i really want to graduate college and get a job so i can afford a great wedding for us.

"She understands but is extremely frustrated about it.

"I was wondering if there is anything i could do that could do to make her feel any better about this?"

A reader writes:

"First off, your site is great, and has helped me get through the engagement and we're now 3 weeks from my wedding.  My family is giving the rehearsal dinner, and I was wondering who is supposed to give toasts and whether I need to give a toast at both the wedding and the rehearsal dinner, and if so, how do I do that without recycling the same anecdotes and stories? 

"Please don't give me the bullshit that a rehearsal dinner "is whatever you want it to be."  I don't mind public speaking, but do I need to do it twice in two days, and how do I apply your rules for speeches to each event, without boring the people who were there the night before?"

_________

A reader writes in the Forums:

"We actually started planning the wedding before I popped the question. It was to be a small semi-formal outdoor at our friend's house...

"So, we had the location for both the ceremony and the reception locked in for free and the clergy for free. After I popped the question things did not change all plans were go.

"Until we started booking vendors. We were sitting at home one night trying to figure out how we had gotten up to $20,000 already when I said (actually joking) screw this let's go to Vegas.

Um... usually when we refer to "wedding-porn," it's metaphorical. It's our affectionate term for that pile of magazines, books, and websites like The Knot and its ilk.

"Wedding-Porn" is not, generally, referring to sweaty bride-on-bride action, usher-orgies, or frosty-wedding-cake-covered fellatio.  (Although... sometimes we wonder. When we bother to get all businessey, we look at our traffic reports, and we see how people found The Plunge. A disturbing number seemed to actually be searching for "Wedding Porn." Hmmm... Maybe we're in the wrong business...)

Anyway.

A British couple had trouble paying for a wedding. And as my old grand-pappy used to say, "If you're broke, make a sex-tape." So they did.

Huh. Well that's a new one.

You know how artsy wedding photographers like to get the behind-the-scenes junk before the wedding--the joshing around, the getting dressed, the brushing of hair?

Well here's something else for your fiancée to worry about: pervy photographers capturing semi-nude photographs.

The New York Daily News reports that a bride explicitly asked the photographer not to use any risqué photos, but then, to the woman's chagrin, the photog posted them on their website.