We've made fun of wedding tv.
We've made fun of wedding websites, wedding magazines, and wedding "expos."
We thought we'd seen it all.
But now, in the most convincing sign of the apocalypse, a new TV channel will ONLY show wedding programming.
Although, come to think of it...
Don't they already have such a channel, where they only show wedding junk at all hours of the day? Isn't it called WEtv?)
Anyway. From the New York Post:
CABLEVISION is saying "I Do" to the idea of a 24/7 wedding channel.
The success of wedding-themed shows on the WE channel -- especially the popular "Bridezillas" franchise -- has prompted the launch of a spin-off channel that focuses solely on marketing matrimonial bliss.
[Sigh.]
As one commenter on the site Frisky said:
I think all couples should be required to watch this channel for 48 straight hours prior to being allowed to become engaged, with only 5 minutes per hour allowed for food and bathroom breaks. Meanwhile, a constant flow of small children and random relatives will be let into the room over the two days.
For various reasons, I think that will reduce the divorce rate.
Our thoughts?
Perhaps this is actually a good thing. Maybe there's the following, three-pronged silver lining:
1) Scaring Brides Sober.
You know how when you want to scare a kid away from drugs, you show him a heroin junkie like Bubbles from The Wire? Maybe Bride TV is like that heroin addict. Brides could see this monstrosity, shudder, and vow to put down the needle of wedding-porn.
2) Saturation.
Surely this channel will fail. It has to. Right? And then its failure will hasten the collapse of wedding-porn. I mean, it must fail. It's not like one channel could possibly survive with such a narrow, tunnel-visioned base. That would never work with something like a Golf Channel, Speed TV, or the Yankees Channel. Oh. Wait.
3) It gives grooms allowances.
It's one thing for your bride to read the magazines and blogs. That's understood. Hell it's expected. Your poor fiancée is pressured into reading all that junk, even if she doesn't really want to. But if she watches the frickin' Wedding Channel? That's gotta buy you something. Be a good sport about it, don't make too much fun of it, and you can leverage this good behavior for something you actually want to do. It's like getting points for watching a chick flick, on steroids.
Of course, this is all part of the larger issue of wedding-porn. Get our expanded thoughts on the matter here.
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