The Plunge Blog

Always a thorny issue. Should you invite The Ex? 

The results of The Plunge poll are in, and the grooms have spoken emphatically: NO.

62% of Plunge readers said that they will not invite The Ex. 23% said "Yeah, ancient history" and the rest said that "I'm marrying the first girl that would talk to me."

This is a little higher than we might have guessed, mainly because, for better or worse, these days there are so many ex-girlfriends-that-then-become-friends.  It seems, though, that grooms are taking the safe and prudent course.

But are there times when you should invite The Ex? Absolutely.

It depends on the friendship scenario. From our article in the Complications section:

Ex-Scenario 1: You never see The Ex, you're not friends with her, you haven't seen her in years.

Easy. Snub her. If you're not currently good friends, there's utterly no reason to invite The Ex, and your fiancée, justifiably, will wonder why you're even bringing it up.

Never create drama when it can be avoided. Think about the upside vs. the downside. What's the upside-you get to rub The Ex's face in the fact that you're marrying someone hotter? Frankly...that sounds pretty good. Nothing wrong with that. But the downside is that your fiancée will get the wrong impression and wonder why you want this woman to join you for the most important day of your life, whether you still harbor feelings, if she should be jealous, if you'd ever cheat, etc. It gets ugly fast.

Ex-Scenario 2: You banged the chick within 12 months of starting to date your fiancée.

Just like jokes about Hurricane Katrina, "TOO SOON." These things need time. Barring extraordinary circumstances, recent girlfriends must be excluded.

Ex-Scenario 3: You and The Ex are now just platonic good buddies.

This is getting more and more common. You may invite her only if and only if all the following conditions are met:

3A: You've socialized with The Ex as a couple and you haven't noticed any tension between The Ex and the fiancée.

3B: You haven't hooked up with her in years (as in the above, at least 12 months before meeting your fiancée.)

3C: You were never engaged to The Ex.

For Ex-Scenarios 4, 5, and 6, see the complete article here.