The Plunge Blog

It's in our genes. Every guy likes to think of himself as a good tipper. It shows a certain sense of style, a worldliness, a respect for a code of behavior. You would never be "That Guy" who tips a measly 9% at dinner, and you would never stiff the pizza guy. As Steve Martin's character puts it as the $100-bill-palming-gangster in My Blue Heaven: "It's not tipping I believe in. It's OVER-tipping."

The odds are good, however, that you have no frickin' clue how much to tip all the Wedding Weirdos, that frightening mob of caterers, photographers, bartenders, wedding cake extortionists (really, at $600 for a pile of sugar and butter, is there anything to call it besides extortion, and that's before you even consider the ridiculous "groom's cake"), limo drivers, the list goes on and on and on, much like the wedding planning itself.

So. While it's possible that your fiancée will already be all over this junk, leaving you blissfully ignorant, you should minimize your chances of being a cheap bastard. To answer everything you could ever want to know about wedding tipping, we've enlisted the help of Francine Ribeau, who, before we met her and realized she was cool, we sort of thought of as "The Enemy." In other words? She's a wedding planner.

Briefly--so you don't have to--we travel to the dark side to chat with Francine about tipping and overall vendor etiquette.  And if you're in San Diego and need some help, her info's here.

The Plunge: What's the dumbest mistake people make when tipping?

Francine Ribeau:  Overlooking tipping all together and not adding it into the budget.

For each of these vendors, how much should you tip?

First... tips are never required, only optional. That being said, there are some vendors that expect a tip, and others that do not. Generally, you do not tip the owner of the business, but if an employee is working your wedding, then you could tip if you choose.

Let's get to it:

Photographer/Videographer

They do not have to be tipped. If you feel like tipping, $50 should be enough. If there are two, they can share that $50, BUT it's important to let the head photographer know that you wish for them to share. Again, owners are not usually tipped.

Caterer

For the caterer, the gratuity is normally already in the contract. (In San Diego, for example, that price is 22%.) This covers not only wait staff, but the cooks, dishwashers, and others working behind the scenes. No additional tip is necessary unless they somehow wowed the pants off of you, and this could be anything up to 15%.

Bartender

It's important to find out upfront if the bartender (or bartenders) are included with the service charge in the contract. Sometimes outside beverage service companies are hired by the catering company to come into an event, and most of the time, tips are not included.

Should the bartender put out a tip jar?

No. For a hosted bar, it's never okay for the bartender to put out a tip jar, or for your guests to tip. The bartender should graciously decline all tips and let the guest know that everything has been taken care of, or there should be a "No Tipping Please" sign. The bartenders should receive 15% of the total bar bill.

Being a past bartender myself, I think 20% is a more fair number, but the industry standard is 15%.

And what if you have multiple bartenders?

Give your envelope with money to the head bartender with instructions to share it with the rest of the bartending staff.

Waiters and Waitresses

See Caterer above. No need to make your life difficult and hand money to each and every server. Plus, gratuity is normally included in the contracted price. Just make sure of this. Never assume.

How much should a Wedding Planner get tipped?  (In your "objective" opinion, ha.)

I never expect a tip. Though I find my prices very reasonable, there are some planners out there that cost a fortune. Unless service was well above and beyond what was expected, there's no reason to tip a wedding planner.

Halleluiah.

I'd love a thank you card, though. That, to me, is worth much more than a tip, because the marketing value is priceless.

Limo driver

This is one of those service providers that gets a tip. 15% of the total bill will make him smile. But it's still wise to check with the contract to see if gratuity is already included. A lot of shuttle companies automatically include this in their contracts.

DJ

If the DJ is the owner, he or she should not be tipped. If it's an employee, then you could give $50-$100 based on performance.

Wedding Band

The wedding band on the other hand, can be tipped about $10 to $25 per person, again, based on performance. Both of these are not required...only optional.

Plunge note: if you're hiring an all-star, blue chip band, they might laugh at your face with a $10 tip. Use your judgment.

As much as it kills us to even say this word... Florist

Pretty funny, guys. Well, you'll be happy to know that there are a few service providers that do not generally receive tips. The florist is one of them. If the driver/delivery person is not the owner, you can consider a $5-$10 tip, but definitely not necessary.

Tuxedo shop. Not necessary, right?

Like Bridal Salons and Seamstresses, you're right. Not necessary.

Officiant /  Minister

It's actually considered very bad etiquette to tip these guys. BUT they do like donations. Let them know that you will contribute to their institution at a later date. The standard suggests nothing less than $75.

Plunge note: depending on your city, venue, and location, this could be a lot higher. Ask around.

Reception venue itself

Nope.

Wedding Cake Baker

Nada. No tip necessary.

Valets

Yes, valets are tipped about $.50 to $1.00 per car, but have this amount included in the contract and pre-pay it. Attendants should not accept cash from guests. Have this information available on your website or included in your invitations.

Coat check girls/guys

Yes, these girls/guys get tipped about $.50 to $1.00 per guest. Again, this should be pre-contracted and pre-paid.

Restroom Attendants

This should be a lump sum based on the number of guests. $.50 -$1.00 per guest is adequate and should be pre-contracted and pre-paid.

Okay, that covers the vendors. Now, in the interest of fairness and thoroughness, we have to ask. If you have a wedding planner, does she take care of all this?

Absolutely. By your wedding date, your planner would have already gone through all your contracts to see what vendors include tips in their final prices. For those that have not included gratuity, your planner would of course let you know and also give you guidelines for what the standard tip is for each vendor.

Also, during the negotiating process, (s)he would account for tips so that you're not spending above and beyond your original budget. Your wedding planner will also take care of passing out the tips at the end of the event.

Gotcha. Now let's say you don't have a wedding planner. Logistically, who should be the one to actually dole out the cash? The groom? Best man? Fathers or mothers?

Typically it is the best man that doles out the cash. If the best man doesn't want to do it (or isn't able to do it because of one, two, or three too many cocktails), it can be the father of the bride, the groom, parent, or other responsible person.

We recommend the flower girl.  Also, especially if the groom is paying for most of the wedding himself, he can deliver the tips personally because it's his personal appreciation... (The Plunger Owner took this angle.)

When's the best time to give out the tips?

Just before the vendor leaves. For example, the limo driver will be tipped when he's no longer needed and the musicians will be tipped at the end of their last set. Tipping after the end of service is done because tipping is a sign of gratitude, and it's based on exceptional service. Some planners advise tipping in advance so that they can ensure the vendors go that extra mile, but that's kinda backward thinking to me. If they already have the tip, why continue to work hard?

What's one area where grooms might accidentally over-tip, not realizing it's unnecessary?

The bartender. Guests may tip the bartender not realizing that the bartender's gratuity is included. You may want to have someone in your wedding party keep an eye on the bar to make sure a tip jar isn't being set out. Even if the bartender's gratuity is NOT included in the contract, they still should not accept cash tips from guests. You will pay this at the end of their service, based on the total bar tab.

Good role for the best man. We like it. What else should grooms know about tipping?

First and foremost, tipping is a sign of appreciation and is used at your discretion. There are no absolutes in the world of tipping, only guidelines.

Read those contracts and ask questions to those writing the contracts. Asking how it all works ahead of time is acceptable and smart.

Have your cash tips or a check ready in advance, in envelopes, with the name of the vendor or person clearly labeled. As the night continues, you can easily add or subtract money based on their performances. Once you finalize the amount, seal the envelope and hand it to the head person, letting them know that you would like them to dole it out to the rest of the staff. Do this at the end of the night so you can leave without them opening it up in the back of the house.

Thanks, Francine. As far as wedding planners go, you're not all bad.

Any other questions you didn't see covered? Fire away in the Comments, or hit us at Drowning@ThePlunge.com.