The Plunge Blog

A reader asks:

"Hi guys,

"I'm having a pretty weird problem with my wedding planning. My fiance's groomsmen have pretty much bailed on throwing him a bachelor party!!

"I don't want him to go without (including the whole strippers and booze shebang if he wants, provided there is no actual she-banging).

"My younger brother (he's 21) is one of his groomsmen, and we're trying to put our heads together to throw my guy a decent shindig, without him knowing I had any real part of it, of course.

Any ideas?"

_______

In a year of global poverty, oil spills, and Justin Bieber, this might be the saddest thing we have seen. Your fiancé's friends are dropping the ball? Really? They should be tarred-and-feathered.

Chances are, however, that you: 1) Still need his friends onboard, and 2) Are without your tar-and-feathering equipment. 

He's a lucky guy. (To have you -- not his deadbeat friends.)  Cool of you to step in and pick up the slack.  This is well-intentioned. It might not, however, be productive.

You have two main paths:

1) Planning the party yourself (with your younger brother),
or
2) Waking His Friends the Fu@K Up.

Do the latter.

His friends are probably just being lazy. Each one probably assumes that someone else is taking care of this. When everyone is responsible, no one is accountable.

This is your move: confront the Best Man. (Or, if that's not possible for whatever reason, confront the groomsman with whom you're closest.) Give him the benefit of the doubt--tell him something along the lines of, "Hey, I'm not sure what you guys are planning for the bachelor party, but, just so you know, I'm giving the green light for the strip club, booze, and all that. [Pause. Let thinks sink in.] You guys are planning something, right? [Pause.] I know it would mean a lot to Steve."

No groomsman alive can hear this--from the bride!--and remain inert. Thanks to your kick in the ass, they should soon take action. Most likely, his friends don't hate him, don't mean to insult him, don't mean to disrespect him....it's just not on their radar. Put it there.

It's important that the Best Man and/or groomsmen plan this. Or, hell, maybe you can actually plan it--find a venue, nail down the date, pick out the perfect (but-not-too-perfect) stripper--but they should nominally plan it.

Yes, this sort of sucks. You do the work, they get the credit. But think about it. It's sort of embarrassing--and emasculating--for him to find out that his fiancée planned his bachelor party. No offense, but it would be almost like his grandma planning your first date.

Good luck. Keep us posted.