Um... usually when we refer to "wedding-porn," it's metaphorical. It's our affectionate term for that pile of magazines, books, and websites like The Knot and its ilk.
"Wedding-Porn" is not, generally, referring to sweaty bride-on-bride action, usher-orgies, or frosty-wedding-cake-covered fellatio. (Although... sometimes we wonder. When we bother to get all businessey, we look at our traffic reports, and we see how people found The Plunge. A disturbing number seemed to actually be searching for "Wedding Porn." Hmmm... Maybe we're in the wrong business...)
Anyway.
A British couple had trouble paying for a wedding. And as my old grand-pappy used to say, "If you're broke, make a sex-tape." So they did.
From the TheSun.co.uk:
A CASH-strapped couple are paying for their dream wedding - by starring in PORN films.
[The bride and groom] have earned £1,300 from three X-rated movies and plan to make four more to raise cash for a beach ceremony in Cancun, Mexico, next June.
The pair, who have four children, have played a photographer and lingerie model who strip for a romp, and also appeared in a threesome.
Lisa, 34, even dripped hot wax on Tommy's chest at a motorway service station hotel to recreate a scene from Madonna's 1993 movie Body of Evidence.
Well then. 7 quick thoughts:
1. We don't like to be mean-spirited. We don't. And we're confident that the bride and groom are lovely, lovely people. But click on the original story and look at that picture. (Go ahead--click here--then come back.) Just look at it. Would you pay money to watch that porno?
2. Does the reception end in an orgy?
3. Normally, for the best man speech and the groom speech, we recommend that you avoid saying anything risqué. But this obliterates all the old rules. This is now fair game: "I'd like to start by thanking the camera-man. He really made my wife's breasts look great. And by now, you've all seen my wife give a blowjob on camera, and didn't she do a great job? Thanks, Honeylips. I love you too."
4. When giving your vows, why not time it to a strip-tease? That would easily one-up the JK Wedding Dance.
5. The icing on the cake is that this couple has four children. If this doesn't set a great example for the little ones, we don't know what does.
6. What do you do for your First Dance? Do you just rip your clothes off and start humping on the dance floor? I think you have to.
7. If you're going off-registry, is it suddenly acceptable to give the newlyweds vibrators, anal beads, and buckets of lube?
For a non-sex-tape way to actually save money on your wedding, see: Embracing the 80/20 Rule: Slashing Costs at Your Wedding.
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