The Plunge Blog

Maybe you've heard of it. Hopefully you haven't. In short: the trend is called "Trash the Dress." It's oh-so-hip for a bride, newlywed and non-traditional, to make a big artsy show of desecrating her $1,000+ dress, which is supposed to symbolize... well, we're not sure, exactly. But something important. Something daring.

This usually involves gritty, dark photographs, and provocative imagery like the video here. It's controversial. Some brides love it. Some hate it. Our take? Meh. It's sort of against our principles to have any thoughts on dresses, period, one way or the other.  (Although if you're going to do anything with the dress after the wedding, why not, you know, resell it?)

The takeaway? We love how any "trend"--regardless of how absurd, counterintuitive, and implausible--can become a "trend" with the right amount of groupthink.

In that vein, we suggest 5 equally rational new wedding traditions:

1. Pawn the Ring
When you really think about it, your wedding ring is useless. It's just a hunk of metal that weighs down your fingers. Why not turn it into something useful?  Today's modern newlyweds should unmoor themselves from the yoke of tradition, proving that their love is stronger than diamonds.

2. Tongue the Bridesmaids
What better way for you to say, "Yes! Now We're Married!" then to swig some champagne during your reception, gather the bridesmaids close, and slip each one some tongue? The confidence to make out with your fiancee's best friends--right in front of her--shows that you both have the trust and transparency that every modern marriage needs.

3. Punch the Dad
Sure, he just paid for your entire wedding. But let's face it. He's sort of a pain in the ass, right? There's no better way to spice up your wedding reception, and add a few chuckles, than by wiping that bastard's smile right off his face. Go ahead. Punch him. All the cool grooms are doing it.

4. Eye-roll the Vows
We're all adults here. Can't we just cut through the BS? Surely we can all agree on the following: wedding vows are cheesy. Smaltzy. So, instead of pretending that they're not, the sophisticated bride and groom should adopt a hipster approach of irony, jadedness, and affected indifference. When you say "To have and to hold..." do it as sarcastically as possible, rolling your eyes, and maybe winking to the audience. Trust us. The crowd will lap this up.

5. Shred the License
Marriage is a state of mind. The bride and groom who are truly in love, truly committed, and truly passionate about making their marriage as strong as possible, will shed the flimsy bonds of "marriage" and instead just think of themselves, in theory, as life-partners. Couples who follow this hot new trend still have the ceremony, and they still go through the ruse, but they know in their heart of hearts that nothing is legal. Bold and modern, this is the smart move for the serious couple.